it hurts
it hurts alot.
i just dont get it.
why cant i just stop this feelings?
it hurts alot to love you.
or in fact to love anyone.
how i wish i can just give my all in loving you.
how i wish i can love you unconditionally.
see no one else but you.
have an unfaltering heart for no one but you.
i know that wont happen with me.
it will never happen.
cos i have never had someone,who had ever really loved me before.
how i wish i can experience love for once.
i never actually had any.now that i look back.
its all just puppy love.
no one ever wanted me.
im around just so that they can make use of me.
once they are done with me.
they throw me away.
im nothing more then a toy to them
to use as they please.
to throw when they please.
being used is better then being ignored.
but it just hurts too much.
you want company,so you asked me out.
then now that you got other friends.
you ignore me.
do you know how much this hurts?
maybe you dont know.
maybe it was unintentional.
i want to convince myself that thats the case.
but how hard it is right now..
people ask me for help on this.
i do my best to put on a smile.
i do my best to give advice.
i did my best for this people whom i call my friends.
but helping you guys just hurts me.
it makes me jealous to see you walking together.
how i yearn for the same.
i just want someone whom i can love without fear.
in turn i want to be loved.
even if its just a little love.
how i wish to be like the couples.
able to love freely.
and in turn be loved.
whats wrong with asking for someone to love me?
i just dont get it.
i rather be able to love someone whole heartedly
then love someone with a faltering heart.
not knowing when my heart ceases to love that person.
its just too scary.
i want to force myself to love someone with all my heart.
but its just not possible.
if it is..i would not have turned out like this right now.
i cant take this.
i want you.
but you dont want me the same way.
i just cant stop my tears from flowing anymore.
i cant stop myself from crying.
how i wish i could just die and end this all right now.
just die and this hurt would just go away.
i cant take it anymore.
i wish for death right now.
i cant stop my tears from flowing anymore.