i have never been cherished.
never.
the people i had put close to my heart.
they all left.
they left without a backwards glance.
nothing of theirs is left behind.
except for the painful memories.
i seem to have lost the need to hold someone close.
i realise.
i dont mind being alone.
even though it hurts to be,even now.
i dont mind.
since no one would cherish me.
it cant be helped.
no one would hold me.
no one would protect me anymore.
everyone left me.
i can no longer form bonds with people.
even if i called you my friend.
i realise,even if you left me without a second thought.
i dont care anymore.
i cant say it wont hurt.
but it just doesnt hurt as much as it use to.
maybe im just learning to be strong.
or maybe my heart is just too numb from all this.
i broke the promise not to cry anymore.
all just because of one person.
and now i feel,with the start of the drops of tears.
it seemed to melt the darkness and pain.
i seem to be able to smile a little more now.
i thought it would be a good thing
but all it did was make me feel more pain.
the tears just striped away the layers of hurt which protected me before.
the tiny prickling pain gave way to stabbing pain.
crying really doesnt help.
but i cant help it but cry.
what else can i do?
i did all that i could
i changed.
i acted.
i lied.
i told the truth.
i became a totally different person.
none of this helped.
even though friends told me this.
they said they would like it better if i did all this.
and in the end.
you all just left me.
i would be lying if i said it didnt hurt.
i aint telling the truth when i said i didnt cry.
i want friends.
but i enjoy the loneliness.
how ironic.
