the navigations are the first 4 "pictures" from the left


I Wish,I wish with all my heart,
For you to hear my very thought.
Wishes for you to love my very being.
And be with me through this eternity.

this is super touching..T.T
i can cry over a 2min long thing..

i finally got a way to upoad my camera photos to my comp le..XD
the day before at nebo...was with kenneth and alvin and peng guan[?] i seriously cant rmb him from my primary school..>.< anyways=D
i took some stupid photos of them..XD
Kenneth aka. Chiobu
What kinda face is that? o.o...are you smiling/winking/grimacing??
This face reminds me of a PUPPY =X

primary school friend[?] who name i think is peng guan[?]

Alvin aka Nebo Drink Spilling specialist

This is the guy who always kena the spilt drinks by alvin

When i took this photo..they didn't even know..=.=
cos they were too busy playing djmax..=.=
oh..maybe kenneth did know..since he looked up after i took the photo..o.0...

Why am i so lame today??o.0...?
supposed to watch movie with kenneth and friends yesterday de..but in the end cannot..cos too many people...o.o...
i think all gonna watch terminator..i guess...
so at 6..tickets for 9 are already sold out..=.=
so we stayed in arcade..=D
after that me and kenneth went to virtualand to play more games...
was cool watching kenneth play killing floor or something like that..XD
very gruesome..=X
then saw chunfong and nelson..XD
didnt realise they were there too!
then they went to watch movie..
kenneth one more person who looks like my cousin and me went to eat..
kenneth spilt tomyam soup on his hand cos he was helping me carry my bowl of ramen.i feel kinda bad.... then the guy who looks like my cousin[except shorter]
send me home..XD
i reach home freaking tired and just plopped on my bed and sleep..x.x

i am now stuck at home..waiting for ligen to reply my smses...=.=
i think my phone spoil liao...i am NOT ALLOWED TO CALL.
and i sms sooo many people..cannot get a reply de...seriously think phone spoil..
was supposed to meet ligen to get my wig de..but in the end..dont know what happen...=.=
now im freaking tired and i want to sleep...
but i got tution...x.x
anyways..was at hub..with kenneth and alvin..and erm..primary school friend who is now friend of kenneth whom name i do not remember[though he remembers mine..=X]
then we slack at nebo..
alvin spilled a drink YET AGAIN.
and YET AGAIN its on kenneth's thingys..seriously think there is something between the two of them...keep kena probblems..
alvin spilt twice..his drink..both times i was there..and both times..kena kenneth de stuffs..
lols...wonder why..maybe its karma..=D
and i finish typing this after my amaths tution..x.x...
and i am freaking feeling like killing myself...
hate my results.

Me as Akito wanijima in skates!XD
Air gear !!

Another Akito~

Mayonise,Hirose and Yukinowa[Mayo!! why did ya cover your chiobu face??!]

Another photo~XD

Akito and Simca!!![Air gear rules!!]

Agito and Akito![i got a middle finger!DX]
Agito!!How could ya do this to your split-self?!T.T

Kawaii Akito?*bleh..*

Emo Agito!!
or maybe akito is just too dman tired after the coscon.x.x

today was coscon!
or license2play event!XD
was actually boring at first..since the compi only starts at 8pm.=.=
and we were all there at like 11am?o.0
A BIG thank you to x3yuuki!!XD

anyways.the event was not bad..since i get to spend lots of time with my friends!XD
Rima san!!you are the best manager!XD
love you lots!![though im not yuri..=X]

then i finally met j-kit..XD
a cute guy..XD
cute cute shy shy de..=X
he is my usami-san!!!XD
since im misaki ..we gonna have yaoi photoshoot soon!!!=X

then then...i saw quite alot of people whom i dont know...but they seem to know me..o.0
and i glomped alot of people..XD
and hugged alot too..

hmx...i skated the whole freaking day and im really beat right now..so i shall post up the photos as soon as i can....
i shall go and rest le..
oyasumi nasai minna san~~

i wonder what to do now.
dont feel like cosplaying tmr...
i tried my akito costume..and i think im damn not fit la..T.T
suddenly dont feel like cosplay tmr...>.<
haiz..and now i dont know what to do about my life too...
i screwed my results.
i screwed my relationship.
seriously...i hate myself right now.
i just put on a happy act for everyone.
i really feel hurt and lonely inside.
how i wish i could embrace you again.
how i wish i could hold you and call you mine again.
how i wish to hug you and never let go.
i wonder if you would allow me to again.
if you were to turn up tmr..
then that would be the final day for me to clear up everything.
my pathetic existence.
its really not worth living.
i wonder if anyone saw through my act.
i doubt so.
even my best friend couldnt.
i doubt anyone elso can.
i should just put an end to this hurt and pain.
how i wish to embrace you again.

oh my..can someone tell me what does the word fetish actually mean?
i thought it meant a very big liking unlike any other to some object.
i went wiki..then it said a fetish is erm.a.erm. liking something that turns the person on..0.o..
its like...never mind..=.=...better not say anymore..
i have been saying i got fetish for neko boys la..DX
didnt realise the word is so wrong..x.x...
haiz..but i think i do..XD
they are so kawaii and cute and huggable..=X
Just.Like.This.

isnt this cute..>.<
but its yaoi =X
hahax..i finally realise how to upload images to my blog..=.=..
so i spammed quite a few photos..o.o...onmy profile..now it seems my blog takes a longer time to load.=.=

bored bored bored bored BORED!
I am freaking stress and bored!
STRESS la!!!
go AWAY!!
argh!!!
but im bored!!
stress..T.T

oh my..love neko is such a nice manga..XD
its yaoi~~
i love nekos...why do we not have neko ear and tail??DX

this guy here....[without the neko ears] has a fetish for kawaii neko boi..XD
go read the manga 'love neko' seriously super nice.
neko~~

woohoo!!one of my nafa works..XD
erm..actually..this is the ONLY nafa work that is digital..=.=..
and i was so happily doing this..till i realise we
had
to
paint
this
out.
DX
so now,im kinda stuck with the painting of the shattered glass..
since there is alot of it..=.=..
wonder how to mkae it look like that...
stress....DX

i have to tahan!!!>.<
just till the 22nd!!
then can play le!!
22nd i can talk to you le!!>.<
wah!!!!
'ren!!!!'
jiayous YuuKi!!!
i can do it!!!
just til next fri!!!!
then i can talk to you le!!!!!
jiayous Simin!!!!!=X

Im despo to talk to you like i use to!!
but i dont know if you want that..
so ill wait till my exams are over..then ill talk to you.
argh...hard to stand this.....
T.T
emo
emo
emo.

Be warned!Lotsa self taken photos..=X





my mum literally shoved her face in the camera.

After war picture.[world food war 1]

Enemy spotted!=X return fire!!*swats*

deaths of fellow comrades....T.T

After battle scene.[World Food War One]

my tians..the plant behind us looks so epic in this photo...
END~~~
that boy in white is my cousin.=D

yesterday...was fun..XD
went to kukup.
with my family for my family's mother's day celebration.
its was fun la..but..all we actually did was eat..ALOT
so on the way back..my cousin and i got bored..
so we took alot of photos..=.=..
of ourselves...
so..im spamming this play with photos...soon..XD

today was fun!!!^-^
ok..actually..the afternoon part was fun...
morning was...
plain boring
hahax..XD
then afternoon,kenneth ask me go study at nebo...
then then i went nebo lorx..
his friend was there..then the three of us..erm''study''
a drink fell then kenneth's stuffies got all sticky and smelling of rose..XD
[free perfume' =X]
then he bought tickets for a nc-16 show..
MY FIRST NC-16 SHOW IN THE CINEMAS!
its called 'the horsemen'
only after i got in did i realise that it was a thriller...o.o..
i dont even dare watch this kinda shows in cinemas..>.<
too scary...
then...1st time watch..very damn scared lorx..
but i didnt tell those two..later they all laugh at me..DX
so i just sat there...and said nothing.=X
then got damn cold..so i kapo jacket from kenneth..
then he also cold..then we had to share one jacket.
i should have brought mine...=.=...
the movie wasnt bad..was was scary.
in a way..it was gruesome..>.<
argh....people was hooked up all through the show..someone even dug out his own heart..0.0...
then then i cried at one really touching part..[sry,overly emotional neko here.]
then kenneth laugh..
he said this
'movie is nice but the ending sux.but at least get to see her cry'
what the...you are evil you know?!!
kenneth is a evil chiobu![hahax..chiobu..=X]
[i hope he reads this.]
then thats it lor..after the movie..we went lan play an hour..
THEY play an hour..i watch for an hour..XD
then i went home.
nice day~

haiz..yesterday.so sian..
eng paper...
i shocked myself by writing 800++ words..=.=...
wonder how the teacher would read it...=X
i have messy handwriting.
after that..teckhui say walk home with me then i walk lor..
then..he pangsei me...=.=
make me walk home myself..somemore i got tuition....
walao.....
then i go tution....halfway got people come and fix the tv on the wall....
after tution when to meet nelson to play[?]
then we go arcade...
then lan..i go lan..saw ah how...so long sia...never see him..
then i saw kenneth,teckhui[yet again] and his sis and friends.
after going lan..i went back arcade play jubeat....
i finally can play advance songs...though only till lvl 8/9 max..lvl 10 still fail....
stupid Ds...T.T
let me pass!!!
the highest i got for a level 10 song is like 60k+?
and i dont understand how much i need to pass..=.=..
damn...if its like 70k+ i would scream...
i seriously love sig sig...XD
and kimono..=X
i passed kimono though....XD
enough about jubeat..x.x....
oh..then i go play NX Pump It Up...
another game i love...cos i can lose calories.=X
then saw kenneth at arcade ..wait for him play nx then we all
[nelson,kenneth and me.]
went back to lan..o.0....
then i spent the whole time there...doing nothing..=.=...
i reach home like...12am?
wth...seriously hate my life right now...
screwed up...

EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
i feel like crying.
i feel like slashing my hands...
i want to feel pain..
to compensate the pain in me.
then i want to die.

my tians...
you think you are so good isit??
walao...i didnt know such bitches exists...
you actually made me use this word on you guys..=.=...
well ..technically you are girls...
but you dont act like normal girls.
you all act like BITCHES.
are you guys like freaking jealous or something?
do you HAVE to make it so obvious you are talking about me?
i actually dont care if you are.
but the way you all act is so like a bitch
please la....if you hate it so much,why talk about it?
if you hate someone,you ignore that person right?
which idoit would keep talking about the person he/she hates and keep getting themselves angry?
my tians!you all are just plain retards.
i cannot belive i used the bitch word on you.
up till now i only use it on one person..=.=
walao...you all are just plain morons

yeahs..finally can use the comp le..XD
yesterday i went to orchard to do my hair....then me and rhyn went bishan to get his itouch..
and meet kenneth to study chem...XD
[the itouch can jiggle....the jiggly jiggly thingy is fun...=D]
then i went home and tried turning on my comp and found out that my internet was down..=.=...
i was so pissed!!
i wanted to post up a pic of rhyn..XD
and here it is..

doesnt he look _______[i dont wana say it..XP
but this was how he looked when he got his new itouch..XD
lalalas~~~
yesterday was fun..XP

i feel damn lost.....o.o...
i wonder what i should do now.
im sitting in my chair in front of the comp.
thinking about my life.
and of course,how screwed up it is.
and how much more shit i can add inside.
why is there so much screwed up shit in my life?
i dont understand how i can screw up my life so badly.
i screwed my studies.
i screwed my social life.
and most of all.
i screwed up my relationship.
i dont know what the hell i am to do now.
argh.this sux.
how i wish i could stay in that month of dec 2008.
that was like the best time of my life so far.
i know last time,i would say meeting my ex was the best time i had.
but i know it wasnt.
because of alot of things that goes on.
and now,of course,i would say meeting you now would be the best time of my life yet again.
you may not belive me,but i think up till now,it is.
at least,up till dec 2008.
that was like the sweetest moments of life for me so far.
you cared about me,we talked alot,and i do meant alot.
so much that i use up 500 over messages in 3 days..
we chat on the phone every night as well.
you would come all the way to meet me.
i know it was a very long trip over to my place.
and i know my parents did give you some trouble.
but that month was one of the nicest time i had.
if i could say this,its was like living in a fantasy land...with a small evil witch and wizard there.
i think,i use to be really really bad.
before i met you,i think,i was really really bad.
i would think of things my ex would have done.
like flirt around.
i thought it was normal thing to do.
that was of course before my friends told me it wasnt.
i do feel guilty when i think about it.
its like,no,i should just say im sorry to you.
i dont have words to describe what i feel when i think about this.
guilt? of course but there is something else.i dont know what.
after that one month,maybe you were sick and tired of me.
but i was still stuck in that world of mine,
so i didnt think much and just continued to talk to you as if we were still in that one month of fantasy.
im sorry i didnt realise that you didnt want me around anymore.
then,i met someone else.
you should know who.
who was alot like you.
but after a while,i realise he isnt.
im sorry for making the mistake of thinking that you two are the same.
because you are you.
and he is he.
i thought i would fall for him because i had missed you so much.
its like,i looked at him like a replacement because you werent there.
but after time spent,i realise that it isnt the case.
i still like you more then ever.
you are you.
you have no substitutes.
and i know you read my blog.
and because of that few times,i actually hurt you.
i guess.
i got pissed off,because i really really missed you.
but i didnt get to see you.
so i thought you didnt want me anymore.which may be the case.
and i didnt have the courage to talk to you anymore.
and i think,when you found out by yourself.
it must have somehow been bad.
so i really really have to tell you another big sorry.
sorry for not having the courage to talk to you.
sorry for hurting you.
im not sure if you still want me now,
but since you allowed me to,
ill do my best.
although the way you told me was a little painful to hear,
it had sounded like you didnt care.
but i will still do my best.
because i still think you are the sweetest,mature,cool and not to mention alot more,guy i have ever had the good fortune to know.
i dont regret knowing you at all.
i will do my best.
i hope you would be happy.

This is awkward.
i really dont know what to help us.
but i dont care.
ill do my best.
im not sure if you still like me or want me.
but since you allow me to have feeling for you.
ill take it as a yes.
if you allow this.
ill do my best.
i promise you.
ill do my very best.
i feel sad.
but ill still do my best.
i want to do my best.
cross my heart and hope to die.
i promise ill do my best

i spent a good two hours in the arcade alone sia..=.=
just because rhyn doesnt want me to go along to play with him...argh..
i had my revenge..at least ....
in that two hours....
got people ask me for num..got people i know but i dont wish to know..
got school mates..and most of all..got alot of loneliness..T.T
in that 2 hours..i was thinking about me and someone else..
then after that two hours with all the stupidity..especially they guys who ask for my number..they are freaking retards....
i realise i still love him alot....
and i really dont want to let go of this.
i really love him.
im not sure if this emo time of mine hurt him.
but i need to apologise to him.
because i didnt trust him.
etc. etc.
shall not say too much....
i still want him more then ever.

I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE!
seriously..its has been always a month before i get to see you.
my gawd! what the hell are you trying to do?!
i seriously dont get it!!
i want to meet you.
we use to promise to meet every weekend!
but now?
we meet once a month!
what the hell?!
i cant take this anymore!
i sms you,you dont reply!
i ask you out,and either you dont want to go
or you have something on!
even though i ask days before!
what the hell is this?!
i cant take this anymore!
how i wish i could scream and shout at you!
but i cant do it!!!
why must you do this?!
i really really cant take it!!!!
ahhhhh!!!
why the hell must it be like this?!
ahhhhh!!!!!!!
DAMN THIS!

i just got a new hair cut..its like so weird..o.o
and i extended my sides...
and spiked the top..o.o...
its so weird right now..o.o

today is the day.
maybe ill end it or start it.
or let it continue as it is.
how i wish i could start it
this relationship right now sucks.
its a completely cold one.
we meet like what?
once a month?
i asked him out today.
maybe he will meet me or not.
if he doesnt,ill talk to him online then.
if i do meet him
well,i dont know how i will react to seeing him
after such a long break.
the last time i saw him in person was a month ago.
i wonder how it will feel for me.
no,i wonder how it would feel for him.
i think,
if it ends badly,
i wont hurt as bad.
i think im prepared for what might come out of this.
hopefully,i wont stop being prepared when i do get to see him.
wait,why am i hoping to see him?
i know he wont turn up.
he always doesnt.
i just dont get it.
why do i always keep hoping?
i cant do this.
the hope will get shattered.
i must not hope.
i need to be prepared for the worst.
because if i dont,
ill hurt him.
if i were to break down,
i wont be the only one hurting.
ill hurt him too.
so i have to stop hoping.
and just prepare for the worst.