yesterday went to meet wanying lucyfer and supposedly lion..DX sad...lion got band exchange and practice..cannot come find me...but its ok..XD because ill be seeing him for sure next week!^-^
but sadly..i became a gooseberry..lightbulb for the couple..DX haiz..spend 90% of the time in the damn arcade...dhoby ghaut and bugis arcade..argh..spend 20 bucks..DX i need save money for this sat!!!T^T
haiz...then after that..i on my way home i sms lion..and i forgot that he would be freaking tired because of band..and i woke him up..>.< im sorry.....i forgot... sorry...
then no one can sms liao i went home alone..DX
rhyn and weijie they all go tailor with max..so no one pei me...im supposed to feel sad but i dont..instead i feel bad...but this are some things i cant speak of.no matter to who...i wont achknowledge it..even to myself. i dont want to ruin the little friendship right now.or at least whatever is left of it.
the more i think about my days..the more emo i get...i realise my post always starts out happy..and ends sad and hurt.i shouldnt look back on my days..the more i do..the more i find out that...im not wanted by anyone.
no one...i dont know why im thinking like this..but the feeling just comes..i have no idea why i have such thoughts..there may be people who are true to their feelings and wants to be my friend..or maybe its just my stupid irrational thinking..i want someone who i can share every single hurt i felt with..someone i dont have to act in front of anymore.someone who would understand my pain and hurt. i really wish that i can pour out my heart to someone..who i can trust and whom i can talk to freely about anything..anything at all and not be judged.
there are people whom i would be ever so willing to talk to....i have alot of people i want to talk to but i dont talk to them.they will hate me..im sure of it..sure they think im just a girl choosin who she wants to talk to...but thats not the case..but no matter..whatever i explain..wont be accepted..because ive hurt them.and i dont want to be accepted.its my fault.but its better this way.at least they can carry on without having to know that im in their lives.at least they can forget about me.i rather they do.i hope they did .
its better if no one gets close to me anymore.i feel that im just causing hurt to everyone i know.its best to be alone.
lock me up.im not worth your time.im not worth your friendship.ill just hurt everybody even more.just leave me alone..let me hurt alone.its better this way.
you like the true me?
ive lost myself to my devil.the 'me' is lost forever.now me will be replacing 'me' ..leave me now or be sure.hurt is on its way.my devil is let loose. my devil..is gona lead me to my own damnation. she promises...ill have people who will follow me..people will hurt with me. my devil promises.