harlo~~~
i'm sick!>o<
i hate it!>.<
haiz..doctor say stress...and lack of sleep..o.o i slept for more then 18 hours liao lor..-.- haiz..never mind..i wait for lion since he go bath..wait for HOURS le...i bet he forgot he asked me to wait....-.- always like this lor..on msn or sms always the same..haiz..i bet he didnt realise that he always ask me wait and he always forget and always doesnt know that i do wait..wait for hours..want sms him again scared disturb him.-.- argh...i wait and wait..like today..stare at my phone...stare and stare....haiz...i spend most of my evening waiting for him to reply me .....D: i doubt he realise i am waiting for him to reply...actually im waiting for alot of things...but..i guess i deserve all this..or so my heart thinks...haiz...maybe its in me..maybe i cant help being hated..cant help being disliked..no matter how much i change..i think im just no good enough for anyone..i feel awkward around people..'friends' i know thye are sort of friends..but i also know that thye will leave me when trouble comes...i know i shouldnt hang out with them..they arent real..but i yearn for their company..i yearn it so much..i hate it..i hate wanted company..i want to be alone..but i cant bring myself to do it..people come and talk to me..trying to be my friend..maybe make use of me...maybe trying to find my weakness to pull me down..i know..oh i know all this..but i cant bring my self to tell them to go away..or make myself go away..i NEED the company..but i hate it..i feel that people are always lying..i can tell..i can see..i lie too..who doesnt? but i hate it..i hate it that people lie just so that they look good..a white lie is ok..i guess.but to lie just so that one looks good..seems clever..is so not right.im taught since young to learn..mostly general knowledge.things adults will know..i use to belive that everybody knows..i talk to people like i would to adults and my school mates think i acting..being overly..smart?cocky? so they spread stories ..soon..im hated..alot..but my parents say..im doing the right thing. so i have to decide,parents or friends.i use to choose parents..but now..i choose myself.i choose to do WHAT I WANT ...no longer chained to people my age or my parents.so in order to keep my friends and family together,in balence,i act.i locked my real self up lock it up in a cage and put on a mask..its crap to say all this.say things that comes out of novels but its what i feel..so..no matter which girl you may see..isnt me.isnt simin isnt yuuki.its just a doll.a puppet.acting to how people around me wants me to be..arent you happy that im not me?