Monday, March 30, 2009
oh my tians!!!
kuroshitsuji is so damn freaking nice!
the last episode i cried..DX
i am such an overly emotional neko...
but its so tuoching!T^T
http://sgcafe.com/showthread.php?p=5327631#post5327631
join my kuroshitsuji team....
oh my tians..i love that anime..
i want yaoi photoshoot..
i want cosplay ritsuka...loveless...
im still crying...T^T
lion never sms me today...his syf...just finish today..i want to know..sobbies
Sunday, March 29, 2009

yeahs!!~~
i finally found my photo!
thankz to the photographer!
^-^
im getting bored of cosplaying yuuki kuran.DX
never mind..im getting my Agito/Akito costume soon..XD
Saturday, March 28, 2009
today was kurobara..the black rose! it signifies revival and it was a cool event!!XD
i had a lot of fun though i feel really weird because alot of people..[or maybe just a fewo.0]
ignored me for god knows what reason...=.=
haiz..a little hurt la..but never mind..i shall try to be happy..as much as possible.
kurobara rocks!XD
i want cosplay more!^-^
AGITO!!!AKITO!!!RUKIA!!!YUUKI KURAN!!!CIEL PHANTOMHIVE!
oh ya..i have decide to cosplay ciel phantomhive dress version AND royal version..>.<
now i started crossdressing i cant seem to stop...
i want cosplay more characters!
i dont know what to cosplay le.DX
someone tell me what to cosplay...
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Yuuki uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone.
The circumstances when Yuuki does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise.
Yuuki will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.
Yuuki is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"
Yuuki tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Yuuki writes tiny all of the time, she will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Yuuki will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. she might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When she is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and her ability to focus is incredible. When she says "she didn't hear you", she really means, she didn't hear you.
Yuuki will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!
Yuuki is a cumulative and procedural thinker. She likes to have all the facts before making a decision. She thinks or creates much like a brick mason, stacking fact upon fact. Her thought pattern or the conclusion will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick wall, Yuuki learns faster through visual demonstration than through quick verbal instructions. Once she has learned new material, and understood it, she won't forget.
Yuuki is a methodical thinker, therefore she is able to build things and come up with new ideas. In an argument, she often loses to rapid thinking people because she is thinking thirty minutes later about what she should have said. These people often are very booksmart, but can be out-gunned in a rapid fire verbal debate.
She may learn new ideas at a slower pace than other "less detailed" people, but once she gets it, she can handle repetition. Some people hate jobs with too much repetition, she can handle it better than most.
Yuuki's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Yuuki that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Yuuki also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Yuuki is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Yuuki's self-concept is artificially low. Yuuki will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Yuuki to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Yuuki is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.
Yuuki has a temper. She uses this as a defense mechanism when she doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around her.
Yuuki is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Something is incomplete in Yuuki's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Yuuki's sexual needs.
Yuuki has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.
Yuuki has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Yuuki's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Yuuki has regarding sex and physical things. Her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, Yuuki is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say Yuuki is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world!
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Yuuki has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Yuuki fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Yuuki has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Yuuki seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Yuuki seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.
I Cannot believe this test.It is ****ing accurate. Damn.
So now,i guess i can understand myself even more.Or maybe others may know me enough to either stay away or accept me the way i am or help me out. No matter, Its still gonna be the same. i suck.im a stupid moron that no one likes. simple as that.
Now piss off.
hmmx..
im bored..
so i just made my own Agito/Akito eyepatch.
took me an hour.=.=
i just tried it on..
and yes it works well.
but i dont really like how it look.
it doesnt look anything like the one in the anime.
i dont get how the anime does it.
there are 'dots' on the eyepatch.
mine doesnt..no matter how i sew..i cannot get it right.
but other then that..it looks ok.
i said OK not nice or what..
most probably i'll keep it and use the one that comes with the costume.
i think the costume one uses elastic.
im gonna change it to string.
i tried elastic but it doesnt seem right[yet again]
the string can tie and i think when the eyepatch is tighter,it looks nicer.[sort ofo.0?]
so i think im gonna change the one i get to strings and tie it under my wig.
hmmx..i need to share this with akito soon...
that reminds me..akito is staying over my house tomorrow.
maybe i'll have a private air gear photoshoot.
wonder if people will join me if i ask.
guess not.im too shitty.
i feel like writing diary entries from my cosplay character's point of view.
maybe i'll try....
i shall start with agito/akito.
im bored...
i want to get my costume asap..DX
i want o levels end asap.
i want to dye my hair asap.
i want have lots of money asap.
i want buy costume asap.
i want _____ NOW.
i want to be a _______!
i want alot of things now.
but most importantly,i want money...DX
money more can do more things....
i want to be rich!DX
i want...
i want....
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
today sucks.
boring school day.
rained.
but i went roller skating with akito.
agito finally got to have time with akito.
its was fun.
skating with hands tied up...is..fun.
need new pair of skates.mine broke on the way.=.=
went home and found a huge blister.
and it H.U.R.T.S
going to sleep NOW.
at 9..=.=
i cannot take it..very tired.
found some nice photo..
i sound emotionless.





i want my agito/akito cosplay to be as good as this.maybe it aint possible..but i want to try my best.
oyasumi nasai~
Tuesday, March 24, 2009

current anime im chasing.or just finish chasing.
JunJou Romantica.
Yaoi.
Maybe i'll scan up a few of my works.

Air Gear
in my list of top ten anime to watch.
this is the emblem of Agito/Akito
i drew one of this im preparation for my Agito cosplay.

Akito and Agito .i love this picture.[one of the five i found.=.=''']

Took this straight from the anime itself.
wanted to draw this.
But i'm not in the mood to.
i feel ____up.
i'm not bothered to post.
I'm just doing this for the sake of being able to think about other things.
Instead of thinking about horrible whatnots.
damn.
are you sick of me?
do you no longer love me?
did i do something wrong?
why do you ignore me?
i want to know why.
if you are sick of me,no longer want me.
please tell me.
im afraid..really afraid to know the answer.
but i think its much better if you would tell me the truth.
so i can let go and let you move on.
i dont want to weigh you down.
im frightened of the answer i may get.
but its better that way right?
though,i cant get the courage to ask you.
i dont want to let you go.
im selfish.but i love you.
i dont want to ask you.
i dont want the answer.
ore wa suki des.
Monday, March 23, 2009
maybe, i've considered this.
maybe, i should stop caring.
leave all my feeling behind.
keep only hatred.
maybe hatred willl be a better friend to me.
maybe,
i shouldnt play a game of life.
i should play a game of chess.
a game where feelings arent needed.
where everything is used as a stepping stone forward.
no feelings are spared.
the player's own feeling are thrown aside.
with only wits and hatred left.
wits to play the game and decide life.
hatred to push aside all feelings and step on whoever was pushed down.
Checkmate
i guess i hear this all the time.
i didnt understand it.
maybe,its just a way of saying'ive won'
but ,the truth is,it meant 'i've gotten to the end.i've let go of all my feelings,i've stepped on and made use of everyone.now im at the top.alone.i've won'
the game of life,its fun.
with all the colour.
unlike chess,black white,dull
life,rainbow,exciting.
the game of life.
you reach the end
and you have won.
with a car, a lover and children.
and of course,with all this, you get feelings.
on the way,
fate plays you a hand.
'you friends betrayed you'
'lose a turn because everyone left you out'
and your heart gets carved.
isnt chess better?
throw aside all feelings,
plot the next move.
and step over everyone.
in the effort to reach the top.
nothing can stop you.
no fate will tell you
'knight gets shattered;friends backstabbed'
'checkemate;you got betrayed'
isnt it much better?
chess,
the game of life,
all this are just games,
but to me,
they make up Me.
two roads.
the one i choose,
it'll affect who i will choose to be.
which should i choose?
my decision?
or yours?
i want to be happy
but i found myself stuck yet again in darkness
somehow, i feel left out again.
i think, I'm getting hurt again.
maybe, the game is coming to an end.
sometimes,i think I'm not the winner of my own game of life
somehow,i think i lost.
I'm sinking back into darkness.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
im bored!
i choing till episode 17 of junjou romantica~
bwahahax...
i love that yaoi anime..XD
it made me cry!=X
i finally brought my agito costume!!!
DX but i spent all my savings..=.="'
but i cant wait fore the costume...
though i think its gona come out all wrong...
when we measured the hands..she asked how long ...o.o i thougt was supposed to be like measure the lenght then the tailor will decide how long to extend it??
oh my tians..later wrong how??!!!>o<
never mind...no matter what ,can de!!!
i need to practice my roller blades...=X
asap....
someone stay over my house this Friday! DX
im bored!!
T^T...boredom is forming a permanent kingdom in me..DX
bored!~
i just watch junjou romantica yesterday night after work..XD
i choing 8 episodes..
junjou romantica is a yaoi anime..
is super nice..
i cried...>.<
i love the yukata..~

thanks to my twin~~XD
i love the yukata^-^
junjou romantica is so nice..XD
Saturday, March 21, 2009
lalalas~~~
today...i went to work
super tired.
wore yukata.
sold japanese stuffys.
now,
i
want
to sleep.....
heard got people talk about me.
etc.
i know i suck.
no need to talk behind.
just tell me.
TIREDPISS OFF IF YOU DONT LIKE ME.I WANT TO SLEEP.
Friday, March 20, 2009
hmmx..since i have nothing much to do till about 2 hours later..[i need to work for free..DX]
i shall babble about animes which i watched..XD
since i just finish kuroshitsuji yesterday.[i took two days to finsish till episode 22..DX] im still
waiting for the next few episodes..i cant wait..
SPOILER ALERT
well,the anime is about this boy,ciel phantomhive,who owns a family business selling toys.his family had died in a fire whic took the whole house with it.the first episode starts with him in a place full of feathers and a mysterious voice talking to him.and thus he formed a contract with akuma.
it turns out that the akuma is actually his butler[or is it his butler is the akuma?] so he serves ciel as the young master. there are another four more people in the mansion that ciel lives in. a boy with super human strenght who works as a gardener, a girl who looks dorky on the outside with the stupid glasses but is actually really good with aiming with a gunwho works as the maid, a man who use to go to war but ended up as the cook and finally tanaka,who is..erm..o.o? a normal person who drinks tea all the time and says'ho ho' only at time would he be normal but only for a little while.
thoughtout the anime series so far, ciel is seen travelling around solving problems the queen sets him.he is called the majesty's loyal guard dog though he claims he isnt loyal to her in the first place.
his butler,currently called sebestian [something something.i forgot..>.<] helps him in any way possible because of the contract. be it to protect ciel or find out things. as long as ciel orders it,sebby has to do it.
but to me i love pluto~ although he/it isn't often in the anime but he is really cute.XD
he is a demon dog.actually he looks like a wolf to me..o.o
he can breathe fire and change from a
enormous wolf dog thingy[?] to a really
shuai and
kawaii looking guy..
XP argh..he is so cute..
XD
see~~~
XD
see????
XD cute right???
lalalas~~i shall stop here..XD i need to go work..[for free-.-]

oh! i just found this photo.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
aww man!!! today is such a tiring day..DX
i worked today~~
you would think i would be happy right??working and selling japanese food and stuffs.
but....
i
m
not.
you know why???
because i dont get
P.A.Y/
M.O.N.E.Y
i dont even know why i agreed to work for free!
i dont even know i did!
argh...in the end i ahve to work..today tomorrow the next day and the day after..-.-
somemore.i was told to wear a yukata to work..-.-
which i would never....why do i have to be the only person to wear a yukata to the stupid food expo????
why me??
argh..life isnt fair!
but on a better note[i sound like im having a mood swing..o.o]
my dad agreed to help me with my agito's ATs!
yeahs~~~
hurray~~!!!
so i got help for the ATs..
my mum finally found my lost angbao money..-.- she kept it under the bed...=.=
so now i got money to buy my agito costume and wiggy!=D
hurray!!!!!!!
yeahs!!!!~~~~~
lalalas~~~im gona go high by myself..=D
jump around....~
scream~~
act like mad person~~~
be sadistic like agito~~~~
practice how to die..~~~~~
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKS
my dad and i making airtreksAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
wahaha..today is such a BORING day....
damn..spend the whole day at home..surfing the net..researching for agito's AT...-.-
then evening when to amk hub shopping with rima-san..
went home..chat chat..and suddenly came up with an idea for the ATs.
will be alot easier then the former idea which consist of heavy duty tools.
XD I'm not gonna say much till i figure it out first..then ill post it up..XD
so yup yup.XD that's for now..soon! tomorrow!
ill ask my dad to lend me the drill...and saw....and screws..and bolts....and spanner...and all the tools...
i cant imagine myself doing it all..DX
and i need to make two pairs..T^T
i just killed myself..>o<
lalalas~
im obsessed with agito's costume and stuff right now....
think think think think think think think think think
Monday, March 16, 2009
im losing too much brain cells trying to think of how the hell am i going to do my agito's airtrek.
i realise even though i got the idea.i dont have the toold or strenght...like..cutting up the metal pieces......argh...can i need clay...Dx but im afraid that it will c.r.a.c.k.
=.= how sia...if i were to make the two wheels one..can..but then i need alot of heavy duty tools...if i use the four wheels one..can also..but like piak sia...and also...hard to style to the style of agito's airtrek...DX how???someone tell me..DX someone offer me a heavy duty saw that can cut metal..DX help!!!DX
OH MY FU**ING GAWD!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
OH MY GAWD!
THE SKY IS DROPPING!!!
I FOUND A FU**ING WHAY TO MAKE AIRTREKS!AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH
MMMMMMMYYYYYYHYYY
GGGGGGGGAAAAAWWWWWWDDDDDDDD!
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKS I KNOW HOW TO MAKE AIRTREKS AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
AIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKSAIRTREKS
wahahaha!!!
Bhwahahaha~~~
BWAHAHAHA!!!
i just chiong finish air gear today!!!XP
super nice la!!!! i regret not cosplaying agito sooner!
im gona cosplay agito cosfest day two! either solo or with my twin..XD
yeahs!!!~~~
im gona cosplay agito with the airtreks!!!
bwahaha!!!~~now i need to find ways to make the AT...DX aww man.-.-
but hurrays!!!~~i think i got some ways...XD goody!~~
but now..i type type type..i suddenly thought of this...
agito>hands movements are restricted=no hands to use>a need for barang man>no hands to eat/go on the train and bus.......
nooooO!!!!!NOOOOOn!!!!!
but then...can undo it de what hor...
but but but then...my sleeves so long..how am i going to hold stuffs?!!!>o<>D
lalalas~~ everything can be solved..=D
i shall think.....XP
now

is to buy costume...XD
and make my airtreks..DX my skates...are gona be customized...o.o...
how to make 4 wheels into 2??
argh..think think think think...>-<
128[agito costume]+
80(+-)[wig]+
50(+-)[airtrek]=
258+-preparing $200 in 3 months$100 dollar for deposit for costume in 1and a 1/2 monthone month later $100 to get costume.thoughtout the 4 months make airtrek.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
i just choing 20 episodes of air gear todae..DX argh..my eyes hurt...i decided to cosplay as agito/akito from air gear..with the AT[airtrek/rollerskates..watever.]
so now..costume and wig is simple..just buy...but then im thinking of ways to customize my skates...i need ideas..DX
help!!and i promise myself i wont crossdress...-.- there goes my promise...somemore my costume.

look...how nice....XD
Saturday, March 14, 2009
today had amaths in the morning..Dx so sian...>.<
then after amaths got bloodlust outing..from 9 people drop to 6...-.- and somemore all girls...o.o
we had alot of fun even though lion and the rest didnt come..i met zoe at amk there..and we started talking straight away..XD was soo fun..my twinnie..XP then after that me and her went to look for jody,zero and yuki..XD we met liao..then started talking alot....from cosplay to dolfies to lolita to ghost to neoprint etc.. XD then we took neoprint and a few more photos..shall post uup soon. then we went to haru to look look see see. zero and yuki booked the costume...XD yeahs~
then i bought a poster..then we met with wanying to go eat at dhoby ghaut.then we went to pan in the box...and zoe bought the akashiya moka's rosario..i also want..T^Tsobs..then me and zoe agreed to cosplay agito and akito together somewhere during eoy...XD custom my roller skates.XD
then we laughed alot alot.. because we really had alot to talk about..XD then we had to go home..DX sad...
lion was afraid i was emo or sad because he never go..XD im so happy ...
lala~

Friday, March 13, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
haiz..im so bored..and im sick of my school life!
i cant wait for the holidays..!XD
but i need to go back to school..DX sad sia..
i miss lion alot..DX
holidays hope i can see him more..
argh....i want to see him..but i think im too selfish..DX
i shoulnt do it..DX
but i miss him..DX
what the hell..
i am a selfish person..DX
lion i miss you alot..T^T
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
wah!!T^T lion sitll not online...i miss him so!!!DX
miss him...!
never mind!! saturday is coming!!XD
oh ya....rhyn just dared me twice..i did one dare...the other one..well..i dont seem to have the heart ..>.< damn....though i really want to...DAMN...._l_ curse you rhyn...i cant tell the first dare because its private!XD bwahaha...
the second dare was for me to draw..Y.A.O.I
yup..yaoi...dumb right???
but still i did..i drew 4 ...DX and i have to reserch by reading yaoi mangas..DX made me have dreams at night..and they arent nice at all..T^T imagine dreaming about guys..DX as in..guys going out with guys.DX that is something i will never want to dream about..DX again...curse you rhyn.XD bwahahahax...
i drew le show to rhyn/tom/bernard/jin ling/angie/diyan/yong phong/teckhui and god know who else saw it....DX rhyn was shocked but impressed[?] tom bernard and the rest were disgusted and shocked..predictable.teckhui asked me to draw more.o.o
truth is..its really fun to draw it..XP plus read it..DX so yup..maybe ill continue to draw yaoi..or maybe move one..to heavens know what..maybe yuri..[nooooo..never!!!who wants to see girls f each other???DX] or maybe hentai[erm...i think those who know me well will know what i think about this..XP] i may..but not as explicit...yaoi can more exposed..[of course..not till can see that la...-.- please...thats too much] cant draw as exposed as yaoi[which is total no shirt or pants] because need to censor alot of things..in front and below..yaoi only below..XP so..more troublesome..dont think i will draw hentai..or at least not that much..>.< argh..i sound like what..hentai yaoi manga otaku like that..-.-
okies..shall stop here...nothing much to post about le...drawing hentai..ahem...now..erm..not douijins..or whatever some of you peoples are think of..just kissing scenes++
yala..i shall get back to drawing..XP
tata for now..~
ore wa lion-kun suki desu!^-^
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
haiz..bored...so i went to research on vampires..
and i realise there is a virus that does turn humans into vampire like things.the virus is called the V5. its alters your DNA things...then ya la...viola! your a vampire! but they still die though..no immortality..nope...but its still cool to know..and i found a vampire's blog..XD sad he doesnt live in singapore..i wish he does...because i want to be one..XD
he said he turned a few into vampires before..and i really want to be one..DX
vampire vampire vampire...
Sunday, March 08, 2009
yesterday went to meet wanying lucyfer and supposedly lion..DX sad...lion got band exchange and practice..cannot come find me...but its ok..XD because ill be seeing him for sure next week!^-^
but sadly..i became a gooseberry..lightbulb for the couple..DX haiz..spend 90% of the time in the damn arcade...dhoby ghaut and bugis arcade..argh..spend 20 bucks..DX i need save money for this sat!!!T^T
haiz...then after that..i on my way home i sms lion..and i forgot that he would be freaking tired because of band..and i woke him up..>.< im sorry.....i forgot... sorry...
then no one can sms liao i went home alone..DX
rhyn and weijie they all go tailor with max..so no one pei me...im supposed to feel sad but i dont..instead i feel bad...but this are some things i cant speak of.no matter to who...i wont achknowledge it..even to myself. i dont want to ruin the little friendship right now.or at least whatever is left of it.
the more i think about my days..the more emo i get...i realise my post always starts out happy..and ends sad and hurt.i shouldnt look back on my days..the more i do..the more i find out that...im not wanted by anyone.
no one...i dont know why im thinking like this..but the feeling just comes..i have no idea why i have such thoughts..there may be people who are true to their feelings and wants to be my friend..or maybe its just my stupid irrational thinking..i want someone who i can share every single hurt i felt with..someone i dont have to act in front of anymore.someone who would understand my pain and hurt. i really wish that i can pour out my heart to someone..who i can trust and whom i can talk to freely about anything..anything at all and not be judged.
there are people whom i would be ever so willing to talk to....i have alot of people i want to talk to but i dont talk to them.they will hate me..im sure of it..sure they think im just a girl choosin who she wants to talk to...but thats not the case..but no matter..whatever i explain..wont be accepted..because ive hurt them.and i dont want to be accepted.its my fault.but its better this way.at least they can carry on without having to know that im in their lives.at least they can forget about me.i rather they do.i hope they did .
its better if no one gets close to me anymore.i feel that im just causing hurt to everyone i know.its best to be alone.
lock me up.im not worth your time.im not worth your friendship.ill just hurt everybody even more.just leave me alone..let me hurt alone.its better this way.
you like the true me?
ive lost myself to my devil.the 'me' is lost forever.now me will be replacing 'me' ..leave me now or be sure.hurt is on its way.my devil is let loose. my devil..is gona lead me to my own damnation. she promises...ill have people who will follow me..people will hurt with me. my devil promises.
Friday, March 06, 2009
yanwei! i really hope you see this..i have alot of things to tell you but i really cant bring my self to tell you...I'm afraid ill hurt you..but suffering alone doesn't seem to be the answer. i want you to know i really miss you.terribly...i have no words to put how much i miss you...its too much..every time ..every Saturday..remember we promised to reserve Saturdays to us..the two of us..every sat..i don't get to see you..i cry..not because of broken promise..is because i didn't get to see you..i cant take it all in..i need to see you..to reassure myself that you are real and not someone who is going to disappear just like that...there was once you smsed me at night,before you slept,you told me not to think too much..everything is alright...with the cute smiley you always use..that just was the best..i was sure..sure you wont leave..that night was one of the best..i slept without fears.
whenever i plan to meet you..my hopes were forever high..but it was always dashed ...but i don't blame you...i just feel guilty..i don't know why..i just feel a rip in my heart..i just miss you too much...i really really want you to be mine...but i want even more to belong to you. if i do..then you will never disappear..i really really miss you alot..i feel hurt when i realise..we lost some of the sweetness last time...it hurts..but i will no complain...because i really love you...really really.. i seem to accept everything about you..yes i do complain..but not for reall..more of for fun..i love you for who you are. right now..im just hurt and sad..because i think you dont want me anymore...do you still want me?
argh!! blood + got me addicted!DX i dreamt the other night about the shuai guy..damn.=.=
solomon!!XD you rocks!
sleep
wake up
eat
dress
go school
study
draw
doodle
eat
play
study
study
chat
go home...
fuck! how lifeless am i?!
_l_ (=.=) _l_ fuck my life.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
harlo~~~
i'm sick!>o<
i hate it!>.<
haiz..doctor say stress...and lack of sleep..o.o i slept for more then 18 hours liao lor..-.- haiz..never mind..i wait for lion since he go bath..wait for HOURS le...i bet he forgot he asked me to wait....-.- always like this lor..on msn or sms always the same..haiz..i bet he didnt realise that he always ask me wait and he always forget and always doesnt know that i do wait..wait for hours..want sms him again scared disturb him.-.- argh...i wait and wait..like today..stare at my phone...stare and stare....haiz...i spend most of my evening waiting for him to reply me .....D: i doubt he realise i am waiting for him to reply...actually im waiting for alot of things...but..i guess i deserve all this..or so my heart thinks...haiz...maybe its in me..maybe i cant help being hated..cant help being disliked..no matter how much i change..i think im just no good enough for anyone..i feel awkward around people..'friends' i know thye are sort of friends..but i also know that thye will leave me when trouble comes...i know i shouldnt hang out with them..they arent real..but i yearn for their company..i yearn it so much..i hate it..i hate wanted company..i want to be alone..but i cant bring myself to do it..people come and talk to me..trying to be my friend..maybe make use of me...maybe trying to find my weakness to pull me down..i know..oh i know all this..but i cant bring my self to tell them to go away..or make myself go away..i NEED the company..but i hate it..i feel that people are always lying..i can tell..i can see..i lie too..who doesnt? but i hate it..i hate it that people lie just so that they look good..a white lie is ok..i guess.but to lie just so that one looks good..seems clever..is so not right.im taught since young to learn..mostly general knowledge.things adults will know..i use to belive that everybody knows..i talk to people like i would to adults and my school mates think i acting..being overly..smart?cocky? so they spread stories ..soon..im hated..alot..but my parents say..im doing the right thing. so i have to decide,parents or friends.i use to choose parents..but now..i choose myself.i choose to do WHAT I WANT ...no longer chained to people my age or my parents.so in order to keep my friends and family together,in balence,i act.i locked my real self up lock it up in a cage and put on a mask..its crap to say all this.say things that comes out of novels but its what i feel..so..no matter which girl you may see..isnt me.isnt simin isnt yuuki.its just a doll.a puppet.acting to how people around me wants me to be..arent you happy that im not me?
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
i just watch finish blood + and i admit...i cried alot..DX ..i noe im an overly emotional neko but the anime is so nice! DX heart wrenching...oh my tians...when the main character's friends,family,lovers die..super touching..ahhhh..is so damn sad....sobs.somemore is all the shuai shuai one die first..DX sobs..T^T i love the anime..sobs...T^T cant they have more episodes?
emo emo emo...cry cry cry cry...

Happy Birthday to yanwei!^-^ Hope you get lots of presents and angbaos..XD
love you lots..^-^
Monday, March 02, 2009
im bored..today...super sian..normal school day..DX
im lifeless....
DX
i cant wait to see lion..>.< i miss him so much..DX help!!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
todae i woke up..and realise i dreamt of lion..>.< for the 2nd time this week..[do i miss him that much till i dream of him??]i must miss him alot..o.o then i went for art class..did print making...sian lor..then after that went to kinokuniya to buy my house of night series..XD 56bucks.T^T haiz...then i went to meet wanying,lucyfer boris teckhui and rhyn..wanted to go alice 88 de..but in the end cannot ..cause of the stupid beeping rain.-.- then went to arcade..met ligen..played jubeat..cause i cant find the dumb beeping NX machine! haiz..sort of addicted le..but i love NX more..XD
then we all go and eat just acia..then alot of people keeps spilling food all over the place.hahax.laughed alot..had quite a nice time.but i realise i cant smile my best..DX because i miss lion alot more then i realised..then dont care la..act happy lor..then me rhyn and teckhui went home...take mrt..then on the mrt..i wanted bite someone..o.o..sucks man..argh...then i ignored it..went to amkhub.play NX pump..[finally!] then while waiting for rhyn i played daytona..then i went home with rhyn..on the bus..i wanted to bite him this time..DX fuck it..i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me.argh....help.....! DX then we went home liao..i wished kenneth a happy birthday.then to where i am now..XD i shall go sleep soon le..XD
toodles~
good night my baby..sleep well..dream nice things...ill dream of you for sure.