it sickening to nt b able to noe wat is happening.i m sick of being kept in the dark.im sick of having to guess wat is goin on.i wan to noe wats happening..i dunwan to b afraid to take the next step..havin to hav to stay in the dark nt noeing wats gona happen..wither im gona die or if im gona live,i hav no idea..im sick of all tis..i reali dun lyk it...y m i b the one to b kept in the darkness??dun giv me the crap tt u r trying nt to hurt me..cos u r jus making me feel suicidal.dun say tt u dunwana hurt me..cos u r hurting me.i may b paraniod..but i wan to b sure..i dunwan to feel lyk im gona lose u any moment..i feel tt u r gona disappear frm my life anytime.im afraid,evrytime i wake up,i m gona realise tt u hav nver been in my life b4.afraid tt u were oni part of my fantasy.im nt one to take the 1st steps..if i do..i truly wil love tt person.unless u hurt me so deep i can c tt u dunwan me to b wit u.once i fall i love,its hard for me to gt out of it.i wil love the person wit all my heart.
im sry.im reali sry i dragged u into my sucky life,its my fault.n im sry.i shuld hav let u noe..noe bout my past n all,but i noe..at tt time..if i were to tok bout him to u,u wil gt hurt,so i didnt..u shuld noe,he hurt me alot,now tt i love u,my painful memories came bac.of the times,i was lied to.cheated n played around wit.my feeling all shattered.im sick of pretending tt nth is wrng..sick of acting tt nth is wrng wen i noe he was lying.sick of acting tt i love him wen i noe he wans me for a play thing.sick of noeing i had my feeling played around wit.disgusted tt i lost myself to him.y m i so worthless?now tt i love u,i realise tt i cant fully trust u,im sry for tt.i wan to ..i truly wan to.but i nd ur help.i realise even aft so long,my wounds had yet to fully heal,im so sry to let u noe all tis.i promise,i wil find a way,no matter wat,to fulfill n unconditionally trust u.but pls,help me.i cant do tis alone.i hate myself,for lying to u.i truly hate myself.i cant bear to say the simplest three words to u anymore.but if u do hav feelings for me,i beg u.giv me time,i wil find a way.if u find me a bore...if u cant tak eme anymore..tell me too..im telling evrything.giving u a choice to leave me if being wit me hurts u.if letting u go is the best,i wil.now its ur choice.weither u wan to help me heal,or leave me.i promise u wun feel guilty or bad.dun heistate to make ur choice.i wil b ok both ways.i noe tt by telling u all tis,u may find me reali hateful.but i hav to.i dunwana lie anymore. i hope u dun hate me.
