Love You To Death-

2009-10-09T16:45:00.002+08:00

facebook sucks...!!! i cannot upload my photos..WTF..D; all the photos with fiona and jing yi at the playground cannot upload..lols..we took pics of the playground..we made weird faces..LOLS..XD then then blogger also cannot...D: all the photos from my art class also cannot post luhh..D: damn it.T.T

2009-10-04T22:48:00.001+08:00

i CANNOT UPLOAD MY FREAKING PHOTOS!! i wana upload the photos i took!!!!! ahhh!!
stupid &%#&$^&$$%&$^&$%^&&^$#F$%^&% blogger! D:
idiot!!!!
T.T

2009-09-23T20:41:00.002+08:00

breaking down.
my heart is breaking.
pieces are falling.
tears joins the wretched path.
the crimson road i see.
is it really a shock to me?
tables are turned.
no longer loving what is hated.
rather,to hate what used to be loved.
resigned to my fate.
trapped.helpless.
look up,i see the ever present rain.
claps of thunder,flashes of lightning.
it scares me.
held down by the chains called 'love'
is it that bad to detach myself from the chains?
i see people,free.
yet i see people hurting.
is freedom from 'love' what i really seek?
looking back,being hurt.
yet she continues loving.
is it worth it?

2009-09-22T17:31:00.002+08:00

having to go on with this hurt seems a bit too much for me to handle.
wonder what would happen to me and my family if i were to just give up.
crying doesnt help one bit.
i realise this the first time i understood what was happening in my family.
all he does is betray mum.
all he did was to hurt us.
never once,have he ever done something that made mum happy.
i understand now.
love between mum and dad
it will never work out.
now is the time to forget.
its time to move one.
without him.

2009-09-21T00:32:00.001+08:00

i dont want to stay at home!!!!
scary place!
damn it!
i hate it!

2009-09-20T01:54:00.002+08:00

today...was another boring day..friday practically just slept the whole day.=.=
thursday at least after my prelims i went out to gca with my friend...got a few goodies ... happy a little.emo alot D:
today afternoon i had a talk with my mum and her sister. we're planning what to do with dad when he comes home from overseas.some family problems thing.well,today,i found out quite a bit about my mum and my dad when i was still too young to understand. my dad made the same mistake...not once not twice.but 4 times.
i dont understand why he does all this kinda shit.
doesnt he want a normal peacefull family?
why make so much pain and hurt?
damn.i feel so sad.
why are all this shit happening to me?
i have enought problems to deal with without having to add my parents divorce on it.
just dont understand.
i really feel sick and tired of having to act so strong and mature in front of my family.
its really a bliss when i get to be a child.literally,when im with my friends.
i dont mind ,actually,when they call me xmm.
at least i get to live my life as how it should have been in the past.
when im supposed to be happy and carefree.
worrying about exams and things im gonna buy.
im actually dreading stepping into my own house.
i fear for my life daily.
hanging out with friends.its just going out.
must my dad threaten me?
must he threaten to break my legs?
fight my friends?
i dread gogin back home.
being in the house is just like being in a cage with a lion.
if i were to make one wrong move,im just gonna lose my life.
what a kind of life i lead.
its pure bliss to be a child.
even if its not gonna last.
sick and tired of fighting and being strong.
i wana give up.
maybe i should just give up everything.
love,hate,life.everything.
i think i would be better off that way.
life sucks.

2009-09-16T23:02:00.001+08:00

wow..this is kinda...erm.amusing.X)

another one.XD hahax..pea-ness

2009-09-15T14:19:00.001+08:00

It hurts D:
should have kept my mouth shut...
sucks.

2009-09-13T02:27:00.000+08:00

IT fair.
walk
look
talk
eat
chat
shop
play nx piu.
sweat
tired
leg damn pain
emo._.

2009-09-08T23:39:00.002+08:00

just went to watch where got ghost today..and i rememebered..first time..two days in a row watch movie..x.x the movie is scary de can..somemore..cinema inside less then 15 people..x.x
at least i didnt cry =D hahax..but the movie quite lame ._.

2009-09-07T22:58:00.001+08:00

the time traveller's wife is a very touching yet super confusing movie..x.x

2009-09-03T22:24:00.000+08:00

wow...they need a little kid like me to shut them up?=.=? awesome.

2009-09-02T15:25:00.001+08:00

the proposal!
its such a epic movie XD
if you're up for a movie full of office and family romance plus laughter..this is the movie.
its simply awesome.
so funny..XD
its about this woman who was forced to propose to this guy cos her visa expired...so she had to marry the guy.and alot of things that happen in between..must watch.i say le not funny le..XD please go watch..EPIC..XD

2009-09-02T15:17:00.002+08:00

todays emaths paper..is simple..but very idiot._. its like..i keep thinking i wont get it right...siannn..duno will pass or not... ss...lucky i chiong the right chapters..x.x i MAY pass..x.x tmr chemistry...i think im gonna fail badly..

2009-09-02T00:28:00.005+08:00

The Proposal is a simply hilarious show. its EPIC. hahax...everyone should watch it...XD i will talk more about it once i finish studying..which.. whould most probably be tmr...>.< oh yea...i want post my kor de picXD
hahax..cant belive he is back..i missed him so much for the past two years..
he made me cry on teacher's day D=
argh...

2009-08-31T21:36:00.001+08:00

i hope you all on alex's blog sees this post.
you know what.
YOU ALL SHOULD STOP BLAMING EACH OTHER.
i dont care if you blame me.
its just one break up.
why the hell msut you go round blmaing other ppl?
if its personal,why wait till we broke up then go jisiao?
why now?
wth.ppl tell me you backstab ppl.i didnt want to belive cos i didnt exprienced.
i dont want to side anyone.so i listen but dont belive.
then i break up le.
you talk to me.90% is backstabbing.
now i am forced to understand that you DO backstab ppl.
and what the hell.the irony.
you tell me they backstab you.they tell me you backstab them
then backstab here and there.will there be a end?
cant you all just GROW UP AND GET A LIFE?
its just a break up between me and him.
why must you all find so much problem?
you all are just being VERY IMMATURE AND CHILDISH.
what the hell.
what good do you get by backstabbing each other?
lesser friends?more enemies?
wth.=.=
YOU GUYS ARE ALL PLAIN CHILDISH.
how about you ALL blame me nia?
ok? ALL BLAME ME HOR.
SETTLE.
problem solve.
k?
stupid childish peoples.=.=

2009-08-31T20:48:00.001+08:00

WAHHHHH..OMG...today was teacher's day!!
i had a performance with my class! happy 4e2!!
WOOHOO~~~
i realise i no longer have stage fright le \^-^/
BWAHAHA..the performance was AWESOME..
4e1 and 4e3 's dances were really really amazing!XD
i want nobody nobody but you.....
but my class rox more!XD cos we had Michael jacksonS..XD so awesome.XD
i love 4e2 XD
kyaaaa~~
i will love this class alot XD
ANYWAYS.i saw Daniel,sam and guang yi today XD
OMGWTHWTFOMFG.
LOLS..when i saw sam i just toally got stunned.
i didnt belive that he was actually there >.<
wahh...then i just got so happy..i ran out and hugged him..>.<
omg.then my tears started to flow..>.<
ahhh...i really really missed him alot....seeing him made me so super happy....>.< ahhhh......KOR..!!! i missed you!!!!*hugs again*
im gonna get back my two year's worth of convos !!!you hear me?!!! =D
hahas.XD im happy today..XD HAPPIES~~
then after the celebration.i went to arcade+lan to play..saw the 4e3 guys there..>.<
then i met rhyn,max,erm..the girl working at pan in the box and yk..ohoh!
and kenneth!chicKEN =X
then we play play play jubeat ripples..then i play my pump..play till like crazy like that..=.=
then i went home le lor XD
today was really boring..but i enjoyed myself..expecially eating with my korS XD

2009-08-29T01:11:00.004+08:00

Break ups.happens all the time.yet the one having ti initiate the break up.i wonder if all of them felt the same way i did.i doubt so.some may still love their partners.some dont. i doubt i still do.yet i feel hurt when i had to hurt him. maybe i just dont like to hurt people.but we really cant carry on.we werent meant to be together.even if you said that you dont know what you did wrong.somewhere inside,something would be nagging at you.you do know.just that you havent come to terms with it yet.if i were to tell you everything,its gonna hurt so bad.i hate to think that i have to hurt you more the necessary.it already pains me to have to do this.but we really cant carry on.im no good for you.im not your average girl.you should know that.you may not realise,i remebered everythingyou ever said to me.promises,loves,hates,wants,dislikes.everything.i put alot of trust and hope in you.i had faith in you.yet you broke promises.it may be insignificant to you.but it meant alot to me.time and again,i thought to myself that it would be ok.i just need to trust you more.yet time and again,my hope just gets dashed.things you told me,maybe you dont realise,i remebered.i tried to be how you would want me to be.but that just resulted in me acting in front of you.whenever i tried to be myself.you force me to act.time and again.with no one to tell things to since you didnt want me to tell,its like a time bomb waiting to explode.
im sorry if ive hurt you.i didnt meant to.all this may be crap to you.but ive wanted to say all this but i couldnt.i didnt want us to end the way it did.but i really had no choice.im sorry.hate me all you want.i wish you would.just hate me.it would make me feel better.im sorry.
but please.i beg you on this.dont blame any other people but me.blame no one but me.please.stop adding on to my pain.its enough that i had to hurt you.dont make me guilty that ive caused trouble for everyone.please.hate no one but me.

2009-08-18T00:21:00.002+08:00

cruel bastards. what the fuck did they do all this crap for. damn them.
fuck this.its seriously too much...what the hell.im at a lost for words.what they did.is really beyond...its worse then anything i have ever seen.this is plain wrong and sick.

2009-08-09T13:04:00.000+08:00

what the fck do you wan me to do?
you are my mum.yet i cant evevn be myself in front of you.
why the hell must you remind me of him?
i have almost completely forgotten him.yet you must remind me.
when you do.it hurts a hell lot worse then before.
and all i did was kept quiet and you said im showing you attitude.
then what the fck do you wan me to do?
scream at you? cuss and swear at you?
i cant possibly do that.the fcking family is already in bits and pieces.
it hurts enuf to come home to a cold and unfeeling house.i dunwan to make it worse.
so why the fck must you trigger anoother row?
isnt it good that we can have a meal in peace once every blue moon?
its not everyday i get to eat with the family.
yet you ahve to make things worse by reminding me of things which i dunwan to know.
wat do you get by doing that?
wat do you get by hurting me?
you blame it all on me.
all i did was do my best to make sure what you said didnt affect me so much that i showed it.
so i kept quiet.
and you said its my fault that i was reminded of him.
wat the fck. you are the one who reminded me of him.
and it became my fault?
what the hell.
you jus fcking made me hurt so bad.
damn you to the pits of hell.

2009-08-04T17:38:00.000+08:00

you know something? you are a really retarded person._.
even if you go round saying stuffs about me,it doesnt affect me at all.
well at least unless i have group work...
i like to be alone._.
of coz sometimes i wan to talk..but i rather choose to be alone.
and you telling stupid stuffs[ whatever they are.be it i stole YOUR bf.which is actually the opposite.i seduced my ex._.ewww.that is plain disgusting x.x.or whatever...=.=] to other ppl.printing my forum post to edit and show other ppl.it has seriously nothing to do with me.=.=
it doesnt affect my grades like how you flirting about with other ppl does.
you know,you have a bf..yet ppl see you outside with holding hands with another guy._.
and you kissed my ex when i was on holiday._. and lied to me saying you didnt.
smsing my ex saying that im the obstacle between you two.WTF?
but hell..im glad you did that.XD thanks for being there to break us up!^-^
i SWEAR i am grateful to you for that.really and truly.
anyways...talking to my frens and muttering 'slut' under your breath at me seriously just does nothing but amuse me.really.
i walk past you and you stareeeeeee at me like im your nemesis ..all that does is just make you look stupid retarded and not to mention you look like you arehaving a stroke._.
you seriously should stop doing that.you'll get old faster.and i really have to admit that you are really pretty.
and i really duno why you still bear a grudge against me.shouldnt it be me who hates you? since you were the one who stole my ex? LOLS..seriously..how does your brain works?
oh and printing out forum post with no name whatsoever has no use since your name or any other ppl's names are NOT inside.=.= seriously.get better evidence of me flaming you and backstabbing you.=.= lols.
you seriously just amuses me alot._. no joke.

2009-07-15T15:41:00.004+08:00

BANZAI! i finally finish editing baobei and my photo le..our first cam whore photo =P

bwahahha~~~ the font looks out of place in the photo..but i seriously love the font so i dont care~

--EDITS--
i found this picture damn funny..but i duno why its funny.

2009-07-14T23:59:00.003+08:00

im damn bored and tired of editing the photoshoot images...
it took me a whole freaking hour just to find the stupid vampire knight logo and cut it out nicely and put it in the picture nicely..
and it took me another god knows how long hour to blur the things i want to blur and sharpen whatever i want to sharpen and add the damn border..=.=
and all i get is two teasers for my thread..=.=..wth...pissed....

this is one of it..not gonna show the other one..want to see?
wait for the thread to be up on sgcafe..
im waiting for the mail to arrive from one of the photographers..
its the whole set of photos...0_0
anyways..i finally know how to use photoshop..
and i finally can edit the photo of me and my baobei..
so tmr,hopefully,im still sick enough to stay at home,i shall upload the photo.

2009-07-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

i seriously just think too much D=
i should stop doing that._.
cos it makes me emo damn easily.
Stop Thinking so Much!
D=

2009-07-12T11:52:00.003+08:00

i finally got my pics into my comp...
so here are all the photos which i owed to my previous posts..

this was from yesterday's vampire knight photoshoot.right before cosfest...
cos i was too tired,i went to cosfest,stone for an hour and i went to bugis to study wtih dear and his friends.
speaking of that,i forgot to take a picture of dear's friends,racheal[did i get the right spelling?please correct me if i didnt>.<] and fiona.they are damn cute can..=D
first time i say them they so shy lor...now a little better but i duno why they like still quite shy..D= am i that scary?
i want their pics..really very cute..=X
the whole team actually waited for an hour+ for my wiggy...
you know why? cos akira wants to bath so cannot go so early.=.=
ftw.
anyways,some random photos form the photoshoot..

the two photographers...got 4 la...but i couldnt get the other two...T.T

CAM WHORE!~ lols..only got chance cam whore with rima-san.T.T

this was from the air gear[kaitoXakito/agito]photoshoot.this is eriol the photograhper~~
the photoshoot damn fun can..got yaoiXD

screwed up pic of eriol T.T

bishan library~this is rhyn!!lalalas~
he go library just to disturb me and dear=.=

see..i told you.he so damn bo liao,go take this kinda sutpid picture=.=
people trying to study!
go away!~
anyways,ill post up some cam whore photos of dear and me next time...=X
now im just gonna go emo and grow mushrooms..
i cannot go cosfest todya!D=
stupid fever

2009-07-10T18:34:00.000+08:00

i like damn sian..dont feel like posting anything anymore sia...
so many days i spent with dear never post up._.
haiz...never mind..i remeber just can liao XD
oh yea..ytd i met a neko at the playground.
its super cute.
then it went nya wen i hug it.
it nyaaa alot sia..XD
damn cute can..im addicted to nyaaaa~
anyways,i hugged it and it licked me =D
sweet right?
XD
the neko is sooo damn cute can..
hahax...i love neko~~~^-^

2009-07-10T16:53:00.000+08:00

youth day was damn fun de lor...XD
i went out with baobei for the whole day..
in the morning,i was actually planning to morning call him to go school..then in the end he also never go._.
so yea...i wanted to go his school see see..but in the end cannot liao...
anyways!=D
we went out to dhoby ghaut to Cathay to watch transformers.my first time,baobei's 3rd time..the movie was awesome..i love the graphics...seriously is out of this world..not in the real sense...got one part of the movie ,got this giant robot thingy destroying the pyramid for some kinda machine which was hidden inside.then the camera was on the person in front of the robot,then you can see like the robot got this two wrecking 'balls' at the place where his 'tralala' is supposed to be,so i guess..those are his balls._. damn funny.but i seriously love the graphics...its damn nice...again i say its AWESOME. =P
then after the movie,we went to arcade planning to take neoprint,but in the end never take...dont ask me why..i just suddenly dont want to take._.
so we settled for playing time crisis.
after that we went walking around PS for a while[got jap fair!!!!XD] then we took bus back to amk,then we went to chat chat talk crap and so on.
then i went home to find my house empty,even though my dad 'ask' me to get home asap=.= seriously pissed,make me emo during my perfectly fun and happy day out with my baobei...but other than that i had a wonderful day =D

2009-07-04T23:16:00.004+08:00

im back~~=D
i emo finish le~~so back to posting.
~~actually,i was just plain lazy to update~~

well,i have been studying for the poast few days...and i got nothing much to say about it except that it totally sucked cos as usual any normal teenager can tell you,STUDYING SUCKS.
but i have no choice and i really wanted to ~~spend time with dear~~ improve my grades. so no choice go study lor..
then today i had tgx~ before that had a photoshoot..
thanks to eriol and bolgash!^-^
thanks for being there to take stupid photos of me and kaito!=X
maybe when im done ill post up a few here..
got yaoi though..=X
anyways..i cant post the photos...
have no idea why..so eriol...>.< your photos will have to wait...

2009-06-29T23:26:00.000+08:00

im damn bored can...D=
so i went to find the H1N1 video...

its stupid funny and tells alot=.=
so watch it and laugh your head off...
hmmx..recently,kenneth and the rest ahve been saying lots of things..and its irritating one lor..=.=
call and kup call and kup..=.=
haiz...you want know...you will know.in due time.=.=
unless you gonna stalk me..then i got nothing to say...0_0
anyways..damn bored right now can..D=

2009-06-26T14:08:00.002+08:00

I have totally nothings to post about anymore.
not in the mood to post any stupid things.
i will kill myself if i post anything emo.
so im gonna emo for a while and let this place be..
there is alot of things going thru my life right now and i need a damn break from everything.
no arcade or lan for hours le.
i need a time out.
before i go crazy.

2009-06-23T16:03:00.002+08:00

since i am so bored right now,im gonna post up FAIL pictures~

lalalas~~
picture credits goes to failblog.org

2009-06-22T18:17:00.002+08:00

today is one of the most boring days of my holidays...i woke up.eat.sat down and SA-ed the whole day....o.o...
since im so bored.i shall make kenneth happy by posting up yaoi pictures..=D
yes..i love yaoi..but i dont want to really see yaoi..i just like the mangas and anime yaoi..
please do not yaoi in front of me...
unless....never mind..=X

This is from the manga 'love neko' it has a really nice storyline..
its sci-fi and fantasy.and of cos yaoi.
kenneth!! i dare you to read this!

and this is some random yaoi pic i found..o.0....from a BL game called 'absolute obedience'
anways..im really bored to death.

2009-06-21T19:12:00.003+08:00

i woke up at 12 today cos i got drunk ytd...x.x
haiz...sian..then my dad brought me and mum go pomo to eat.
we ate juju hokkiado hot pot!XD
we ordered by themes..
dad took chicken and pork.mum took beef and i took fish platter.

this is fish platter..and it is HUGE.it consist of one WHOLE fish and 4 other types of fish slices.

lookie at the fish~

see the plates??its HUGE...

fish platter~~i regret ordering it..its too bog to be eaten by me..im too small sized..x.x

the beef platter!!! this was AWESOME.
anways..then after we ate this we had a drink as a before dessert thing.
its some kinda plum juice thing and it was really really sour..D=
i was jumping around...=X
ohoh! the appetizers was damn cool too..we had a hard boiled egg with only hard boiled eggwhite.
the yolk was still creamy=X then the soya souce was sweet..for once..0.0
i love the dessert too~~ its honey dew sago~~
actually i just love anything that is sweet..
but i cant help wondering why dad suddenly talk to me...o.o...
anways..im debating right now if i should go virtual or not...
argh..no one ask me go..so i guess i wont go...=X
but i wanna play SA....my house..the comp....lagging!!T.T
haiz....sian sian sian..should i?or should i not?

2009-06-19T22:52:00.002+08:00

today was freaking dumb.
anways..seriously having problems with my family.
at times i feel like killing every single one of them
at time i want to just stab myself and die.
most of the time,i jsut wish i could disappear.
my family just blames everytihng on me.
they have their affair outside.
and they blame the fact that they dont love each other.
the blame it on me.ME...its their own fault and they blame me.
i was told to tell them where i would go.
i called and told my mum.
my mum screamed and said she didnt care.
i told my dad and he said he doesnt want to know.
then i dont tell them and they blame me.
said it was my fault i didnt care about the family or them.
you said you didnt care.
so i didnt too.
you dont love each other and thats my fault too?
why did you even bother to have me in the first damn place?
if this is what you say to me, it just tells me you dont even want me around.
this just sucks.
i think,i just think too much.
and i emoed a little today.
not very sure if kenneth they all saw thru.
hope they think i was just tired or something.
i have to put on a happy face.
i dont want to make anyone else affected by what im feeling.
its just selfish.to spoil other people's day cos of myself.
so i went out in the afternoon with alex cos he said it was fun to go taka..o.o..
lols..we went there.stone.eat.stone.walk.then go woodlands liao..
i had cotton candy!! and its super nice!^-^
its like big and fluffly! and Pink!!XD
and it sorta melts in my mouth..so its really cool and nice!
then met kenneth and potato to play technika.
i had another game and its still damn awesome to play it..
but i still failed...>.<
then kenneth kept talking about me and alex being tgt all the time..=.=
we arent k?
i dont like him.
we met for the how many times..2nd?=.= wth...
i think kenneth asked me why i stopped poking him.
and i think he forgot ytd he asked me to stop poking him..
but since you want me to poke you.i shall=D
anyways~
we went to amk to eat.
alex went home
then i went with kenneth and potato to nebo eat..
kenneth was like tempting me with the food la..cos i no money..do i only drank the stupid drink which taste like soap.=.=
then rhyn came then we all go virtual.
kenneth sat down play and rhyn pursuaded us go arcade.
then we play liao go back virtual.
met kenneth on the way and he and potato went home.
then rhyn send me home
so TADA~ here i am typing this emo and stupid piece of shit.=.=.

2009-06-18T23:47:00.004+08:00

today finally got to watch a movie!=D
okies..its just a movie but still...It Was Fun!~^-^
supposed to meet at 3.30pm at virtual..but i was late..
cos.i realise some problems with my family.
shall not talk or dwell on it.
its my problem to deal with.
anyways=D
i was late for half an hour...im sry bout that..but not really that sry cos evreyone was playing game..no difference late or not..=X then i also sat down and played sa damn happy cos for once i killed 5 before i died=D i know kenneth more pro la but still me damn happy=D then after that we went to hub to get tickets for the movie Drag Me To Hell
its a really awesome movie except that it had ALOT of very disgusting parts in it..x.x
and really scary ones too..o.o
not like ghost scary..its like..quiet quiet then suddenly got this old lady POP out.
i just got really scared and screamed..i think i screamed ALOT...=X
not to mention i ~~cried~~ eat alot too..then we went to arcade to play and kenneth went to ~~show off~~ play NX...till now i see him play still damn cool...*in awe*
he is very pro can! =D
then we went to virtual...i go see them play L4D=X
it was fun while it lasted cos they got tired of it and played dota and sa...
while in the lift..alex and his bro damn funny.
they walk in,turn,stare at mirror and say 'no lor' totally tgt.
cool right?=D
then watch watch watch liao we go home lorx..o.o.
i got no photos this time=X
sianz...i want a pic of alex and his bro!=D

--edit--
on the way home with alex i poke,pinch,scratch him till his hands damn red..=X
sry...>.<
~~but it was fun~~

2009-06-16T22:52:00.007+08:00

Today was so fun!XD
okies..technically...all we did[we=kenneth,potato,peng kuan de bro,kenneth de friend and me] was stay at causeway to play djmax technika.we went at 2.30pm..[for once i was the earliest]
and stayed till like 7..
i finally got to play the game!! although i still failed the last song..its freaking awesome!=D
so fun!!!!XD
then we went to eat at the food court there.
i realise peng kuan brother damn fun to poke..got ALOT of reaction from him..unlike kenneth..=.=
no reaction at all de lor..
then the two of them bully me..T.T
take my phone..pass here pass there...T.T
i shall find kenneth's weakness one day!
i already know peng kuan brother de liao..XD
its pokes!!
then we came back to amk play lan..we all played an hour of SA...
we all got trashed by kenneth lor..3 vs 1 still he trash us...knife match as well..0.0..
he is Too Pro..=.=
then we arrange to watch movie tmr!!
i cant wait!=X
anways..then on the way home..i took the same bus as peng kuan de bro
i poke him till he almost fell off..8D
damn fun to poke..XD
bwahahax...
anways..somemore random photos i took today~

i seem to catch alot of peng kuan de bro right?? he always just stone there de..XD
unlike kenneth lor..siam siam siam de..x.x
orhs..someone tell me peng kuan bro de name..=.=

-EDITS-
oh yea...his name is alex...o.o
and i almost poked him to death ..XD

2009-06-15T13:39:00.000+08:00

Recently,i feel so much things all at the same time.
And this feelings are gonna kill me.

2009-06-14T01:07:00.006+08:00

yoo!! first i want post ytd de stuffies..XD
i had ALOT of fun ytd!!!
actually..is kenneth and yk who had alot of fun...=X
i had fun watching them have fun..XD
we actually went all the way to causeway to play djmax technika.
it is a freaking awesome game..
play djmax technika!
rmb to!!!its AWESOME!
then on our way up..i kept comparing heights with alvin yk and kenneth..
no matter what..on which step...in still shorter then everyone..T.T
stupid tall people....*sobs*
we actually spent 3hrs+- at the arcade there..kenneth and yk playing technika while i watch them play..XD
although i never play..its still fun to watch...its so cool to play with a touch screen..its like jubeat..
expect its not restricted by boxes..or fixed..its the whole freaking screen can be touched!8D
i shall play it the next time i get a chance to go there..8D
oh..then we went to have dinner at 10..pm...XD
at asian cafe..XD
and while i was there i took some epic photos..XD

this is yk...i think..i dont know..i call him potato..
coz i talk to him..he only say 'or' to me..so i call him potato..=X

this is 'nebo drink spilling specialist' alvin!XD

kenneth! lols..it took me a VERY VERY long time to get this photo...x.x
i love candid photos..=D
anyways..next post on today's streetfest!

STREETFEST

anways..streetfest was dubbed as sweatfest..cos it was outdoors and it was freaking hot..
so everyone brought a fan..i did too..but i lost mine..cos they pass pass pass till dont know where...-.-
i cosplayed akito/agito wanijima again..and i regretted..it was soooo damn hot!!
my bindings are like so thick!! plus the jacket is totally like an OVEN!!
and it wasraining and the floor was sooooo wet that i had trouble skating!!!!DX
i cannot belive i survived the day!!
then everyone was taking me and ringo's photos...and i was so tired!!DX
now i at home...saw the photos..and hear people say that im cute and innocent..
i do not belive im anything like that at all...=.='''
then i went for strut with ringo too..XD
it was fun la..but very very very scary..cos it was sort of like a compi..but not really like one too...XD so yea..fun!XD
i lost a litte weight too..8D
lols..spam more photos..XD

spam spam spam~~
orhs..found some stupid photos i took in lan..XD

i love epic expressions..XD

2009-06-12T14:41:00.001+08:00

guess what?ytd go lan play sa...then nice nice my first multi kill..5 ppl in a row....
guess what...
i timed out..o.o.
nice nice...just got the kills...x.x
stupid comp..just a few seconds more end game liao..had to time out...damn it....x.x....
pissed....but never mind..was fun bulying rhyn and the rest..XD
hahax....gonna go causeway ltr with kenneth and dont know who liao..XD
banzai!! lols..-.-

2009-06-10T23:19:00.003+08:00

today was stupid..and i waste ALOT of money today..now i owe alot of money too..x.x..
must remember to return alvin and teckhui money...=X
today morning as usaul got lessons..then after that i went arcade with rhyn...
played and played and played till no money..then ate kfc with him before he went home...
then i went back arcade play..
then went to lan to play sudden attack...8D
very fun..i played with kenneth,sotong,spy,teckhui and one more guy whos name i know not..=X
super fun la..XD
shall go there and play next time..=X
im really really happy lorx ..today was fun!!=D
i was sitiing right at the side..so when i timed out..i took a photo of kenneth teckhui and the other guy playing SA....all the really epic expressions...=X

right at the left is teckhui followed by kenneth and then the unknown guy who is pro at SA...=D
actually..only me and teckhui are noobs...x.xthe rest all damn pro..
kenneth actually played one round 3vs1..him against the other 3 guys...
and he actually won...0.0..
but i had my fill of killing him too..8D
i just choing and luan spam...=X
he bully lor....x.x....
so i try my best to bully back..=D
but i think i failed too..DX
never mind..still got next time de....
shall go sleep...
got lessons tmr..x.x

2009-06-07T16:19:00.002+08:00

it hurts
it hurts alot.
i just dont get it.
why cant i just stop this feelings?
it hurts alot to love you.
or in fact to love anyone.
how i wish i can just give my all in loving you.
how i wish i can love you unconditionally.
see no one else but you.
have an unfaltering heart for no one but you.
i know that wont happen with me.
it will never happen.
cos i have never had someone,who had ever really loved me before.
how i wish i can experience love for once.
i never actually had any.now that i look back.
its all just puppy love.
no one ever wanted me.
im around just so that they can make use of me.
once they are done with me.
they throw me away.
im nothing more then a toy to them
to use as they please.
to throw when they please.
being used is better then being ignored.
but it just hurts too much.
you want company,so you asked me out.
then now that you got other friends.
you ignore me.
do you know how much this hurts?
maybe you dont know.
maybe it was unintentional.
i want to convince myself that thats the case.
but how hard it is right now..
people ask me for help on this.
i do my best to put on a smile.
i do my best to give advice.
i did my best for this people whom i call my friends.
but helping you guys just hurts me.
it makes me jealous to see you walking together.
how i yearn for the same.
i just want someone whom i can love without fear.
in turn i want to be loved.
even if its just a little love.
how i wish to be like the couples.
able to love freely.
and in turn be loved.
whats wrong with asking for someone to love me?
i just dont get it.
i rather be able to love someone whole heartedly
then love someone with a faltering heart.
not knowing when my heart ceases to love that person.
its just too scary.
i want to force myself to love someone with all my heart.
but its just not possible.
if it is..i would not have turned out like this right now.
i cant take this.
i want you.
but you dont want me the same way.
i just cant stop my tears from flowing anymore.
i cant stop myself from crying.
how i wish i could just die and end this all right now.
just die and this hurt would just go away.
i cant take it anymore.
i wish for death right now.
i cant stop my tears from flowing anymore.

2009-06-05T17:51:00.002+08:00

i have never been cherished.
never.
the people i had put close to my heart.
they all left.
they left without a backwards glance.
nothing of theirs is left behind.
except for the painful memories.
i seem to have lost the need to hold someone close.
i realise.
i dont mind being alone.
even though it hurts to be,even now.
i dont mind.
since no one would cherish me.
it cant be helped.
no one would hold me.
no one would protect me anymore.
everyone left me.
i can no longer form bonds with people.
even if i called you my friend.
i realise,even if you left me without a second thought.
i dont care anymore.
i cant say it wont hurt.
but it just doesnt hurt as much as it use to.
maybe im just learning to be strong.
or maybe my heart is just too numb from all this.
i broke the promise not to cry anymore.
all just because of one person.
and now i feel,with the start of the drops of tears.
it seemed to melt the darkness and pain.
i seem to be able to smile a little more now.
i thought it would be a good thing
but all it did was make me feel more pain.
the tears just striped away the layers of hurt which protected me before.
the tiny prickling pain gave way to stabbing pain.
crying really doesnt help.
but i cant help it but cry.
what else can i do?
i did all that i could
i changed.
i acted.
i lied.
i told the truth.
i became a totally different person.
none of this helped.
even though friends told me this.
they said they would like it better if i did all this.
and in the end.
you all just left me.
i would be lying if i said it didnt hurt.
i aint telling the truth when i said i didnt cry.
i want friends.
but i enjoy the loneliness.
how ironic.

2009-06-04T14:18:00.002+08:00

i want to live in a bubble.
a bubble where reality cant reach me.
even though thats not possible.
i wish it could be.
reality sucks.
life sucks.
and then you die.
what a life.

If you dont like me.
just get over it and tell me.

2009-06-03T23:47:00.002+08:00

why does this feeling keep going through me?
you are within reach,
yet i could not bear to reach out and grab you.
you are so near,
yet i dont dare to take another one more step closer...
i feel frustrated,sad,happy all at the same time.
frustrated because i dont have the guts to reach out to you.
sad because i cant have time with you.
happy because i get to catch even just a glimpse of you.
i just dont get it.
didnt i promise myself not to love anyone.
its really not worth it.
i should stop all this stupid worthless feelings.
but i just cant.
i wonder why.
maybe i just dont want to.
although i may say so.
my heart thinks otherwise.
you are so near.
yet far.
with one more step i could have reached you.
yet i could not.
why is this so?

2009-06-03T14:54:00.000+08:00

im emo emo emo emo.
so fuck off.
i seriously cant take this.
this sucks.

2009-06-02T19:11:00.002+08:00

i dont want to do this anymore.
this hurts too much.
i didnt know loving anyone..could hurt so very much..
or maybe,i had just forgotten how painful it had been.
the icy stabbing of your actions and words.
it makes me breathless.
the spot where my heart is.
its feels as if a knife had really been plunged through it.
the pain feels real.
i cant take it.
the words you speak,
the actions you do,
it all leaves me bleeding and hurt.
it makes me gasp for air.
makes me feel like im drowning.
the tightness around my chest just wont let go.
its feels as if you want to kill me with just your words alone.
its so scary.
i'm afraid.
what if,
i really drowned?
will you be there to save me?
will anyone be there.
my family doesnt care about me.
they never did.
my friends,
arent even friends.
everyone whom i know and talk to,
in the end,
just leaves me when i need a hand.
all they do is to make use of me.
for their own gain.
what about you?
i doubt you even care about me.
im just a thing.
a thing you play with when you are bored.
am i right to say this?
when you find something more worth your time,
you throw me out into the rain.
i still hope.
i still hope that you would take me back.
i still hope you would find a little more use of me.
just so i can spend more time with you.
but i doubt so.
thinking of this really hurts.
i was so naive..
thinking i had friends family who actually cares about me
as if that would ever happen.
no one actually cared about me.
everyone just used me for their own gain.
now that i lost my usefulness.
you all throw me away.
my love for you just got shattered.
its just too fragile.
i wont love again.
it hurts too much to.
the icy knives just keeps plunging into my heart.

2009-05-31T21:40:00.001+08:00

this is super touching..T.T
i can cry over a 2min long thing..

2009-05-31T14:06:00.012+08:00

i finally got a way to upoad my camera photos to my comp le..XD
the day before at nebo...was with kenneth and alvin and peng guan[?] i seriously cant rmb him from my primary school..>.< anyways=D
i took some stupid photos of them..XD
Kenneth aka. Chiobu
What kinda face is that? o.o...are you smiling/winking/grimacing??
This face reminds me of a PUPPY =X

primary school friend[?] who name i think is peng guan[?]

Alvin aka Nebo Drink Spilling specialist

This is the guy who always kena the spilt drinks by alvin

When i took this photo..they didn't even know..=.=
cos they were too busy playing djmax..=.=
oh..maybe kenneth did know..since he looked up after i took the photo..o.0...

Why am i so lame today??o.0...?
supposed to watch movie with kenneth and friends yesterday de..but in the end cannot..cos too many people...o.o...
i think all gonna watch terminator..i guess...
so at 6..tickets for 9 are already sold out..=.=
so we stayed in arcade..=D
after that me and kenneth went to virtualand to play more games...
was cool watching kenneth play killing floor or something like that..XD
very gruesome..=X
then saw chunfong and nelson..XD
didnt realise they were there too!
then they went to watch movie..
kenneth one more person who looks like my cousin and me went to eat..
kenneth spilt tomyam soup on his hand cos he was helping me carry my bowl of ramen.i feel kinda bad.... then the guy who looks like my cousin[except shorter]
send me home..XD
i reach home freaking tired and just plopped on my bed and sleep..x.x

2009-05-29T18:50:00.002+08:00

i am now stuck at home..waiting for ligen to reply my smses...=.=
i think my phone spoil liao...i am NOT ALLOWED TO CALL.
and i sms sooo many people..cannot get a reply de...seriously think phone spoil..
was supposed to meet ligen to get my wig de..but in the end..dont know what happen...=.=
now im freaking tired and i want to sleep...
but i got tution...x.x
anyways..was at hub..with kenneth and alvin..and erm..primary school friend who is now friend of kenneth whom name i do not remember[though he remembers mine..=X]
then we slack at nebo..
alvin spilled a drink YET AGAIN.
and YET AGAIN its on kenneth's thingys..seriously think there is something between the two of them...keep kena probblems..
alvin spilt twice..his drink..both times i was there..and both times..kena kenneth de stuffs..
lols...wonder why..maybe its karma..=D
and i finish typing this after my amaths tution..x.x...
and i am freaking feeling like killing myself...
hate my results.

2009-05-24T21:37:00.002+08:00

Me as Akito wanijima in skates!XD
Air gear !!

Another Akito~

Mayonise,Hirose and Yukinowa[Mayo!! why did ya cover your chiobu face??!]

Another photo~XD

Akito and Simca!!![Air gear rules!!]

Agito and Akito![i got a middle finger!DX]
Agito!!How could ya do this to your split-self?!T.T

Kawaii Akito?*bleh..*

Emo Agito!!
or maybe akito is just too dman tired after the coscon.x.x

2009-05-23T23:08:00.006+08:00

today was coscon!
or license2play event!XD
was actually boring at first..since the compi only starts at 8pm.=.=
and we were all there at like 11am?o.0
A BIG thank you to x3yuuki!!XD

anyways.the event was not bad..since i get to spend lots of time with my friends!XD
Rima san!!you are the best manager!XD
love you lots!![though im not yuri..=X]

then i finally met j-kit..XD
a cute guy..XD
cute cute shy shy de..=X
he is my usami-san!!!XD
since im misaki ..we gonna have yaoi photoshoot soon!!!=X

then then...i saw quite alot of people whom i dont know...but they seem to know me..o.0
and i glomped alot of people..XD
and hugged alot too..

hmx...i skated the whole freaking day and im really beat right now..so i shall post up the photos as soon as i can....
i shall go and rest le..
oyasumi nasai minna san~~

2009-05-22T22:16:00.002+08:00

i wonder what to do now.
dont feel like cosplaying tmr...
i tried my akito costume..and i think im damn not fit la..T.T
suddenly dont feel like cosplay tmr...>.<
haiz..and now i dont know what to do about my life too...
i screwed my results.
i screwed my relationship.
seriously...i hate myself right now.
i just put on a happy act for everyone.
i really feel hurt and lonely inside.
how i wish i could embrace you again.
how i wish i could hold you and call you mine again.
how i wish to hug you and never let go.
i wonder if you would allow me to again.
if you were to turn up tmr..
then that would be the final day for me to clear up everything.
my pathetic existence.
its really not worth living.
i wonder if anyone saw through my act.
i doubt so.
even my best friend couldnt.
i doubt anyone elso can.
i should just put an end to this hurt and pain.
how i wish to embrace you again.

2009-05-18T21:47:00.002+08:00

oh my..can someone tell me what does the word fetish actually mean?
i thought it meant a very big liking unlike any other to some object.
i went wiki..then it said a fetish is erm.a.erm. liking something that turns the person on..0.o..
its like...never mind..=.=...better not say anymore..
i have been saying i got fetish for neko boys la..DX
didnt realise the word is so wrong..x.x...
haiz..but i think i do..XD
they are so kawaii and cute and huggable..=X
Just.Like.This.

isnt this cute..>.<
but its yaoi =X
hahax..i finally realise how to upload images to my blog..=.=..
so i spammed quite a few photos..o.o...onmy profile..now it seems my blog takes a longer time to load.=.=

2009-05-17T19:12:00.001+08:00

bored bored bored bored BORED!
I am freaking stress and bored!
STRESS la!!!
go AWAY!!
argh!!!
but im bored!!
stress..T.T

2009-05-14T15:53:00.003+08:00

oh my..love neko is such a nice manga..XD
its yaoi~~
i love nekos...why do we not have neko ear and tail??DX

this guy here....[without the neko ears] has a fetish for kawaii neko boi..XD
go read the manga 'love neko' seriously super nice.
neko~~

2009-05-12T21:55:00.002+08:00

woohoo!!one of my nafa works..XD
erm..actually..this is the ONLY nafa work that is digital..=.=..
and i was so happily doing this..till i realise we
had
to
paint
this
out.
DX
so now,im kinda stuck with the painting of the shattered glass..
since there is alot of it..=.=..
wonder how to mkae it look like that...
stress....DX

2009-05-12T20:59:00.002+08:00

My always wanted fantasy conversation with you.

hiies!~~
what you doing??
i feel so bored right now...T.T...
talk to me lehs...
i dont care...unless you got homework la..
=X
talk to me!!or ill bully you!=D
*pokes pokes*
*pokes triply hard*
*stabs*
=X
wei...want go out this sat??
you dont have anything on right??
if have then never mind.. but if dont have..
then spend time with me!!=X
or ill go your place and find you!>D
BWAHAHAHA.
okok??even go out walk walk or study also can lor...~~
i can see you and hear your voice can le..~
lalalas~=X
yea!!XD
soso..must meet me arx!!
yeahs!!
*jumps for joy*
lalalas~~
i shall go sleep..then the days will past faster~~
then i can see you faster!^-^
oyasumi nasai~~
loves you lots~~
miss you lots~~~
*muacks*
;D byebyes~~

how much i wish i could talk so carefreely with you.
but i Always cant.-.-..
because i dont have the guts to..
i always get nervous talking to you..=.=...
makes me just want to run away...T.T
haiz..i shall go dream somemore..T.T

2009-05-12T20:37:00.001+08:00

i have to tahan!!!>.<
just till the 22nd!!
then can play le!!
22nd i can talk to you le!!>.<
wah!!!!
'ren!!!!'
jiayous YuuKi!!!
i can do it!!!
just til next fri!!!!
then i can talk to you le!!!!!
jiayous Simin!!!!!=X

2009-05-11T17:47:00.001+08:00

Im despo to talk to you like i use to!!
but i dont know if you want that..
so ill wait till my exams are over..then ill talk to you.
argh...hard to stand this.....
T.T
emo
emo
emo.

2009-05-11T17:08:00.004+08:00

Be warned!Lotsa self taken photos..=X

my mum literally shoved her face in the camera.

After war picture.[world food war 1]

Enemy spotted!=X return fire!!*swats*

deaths of fellow comrades....T.T

After battle scene.[World Food War One]

my tians..the plant behind us looks so epic in this photo...
END~~~
that boy in white is my cousin.=D

2009-05-11T16:59:00.002+08:00

yesterday...was fun..XD
went to kukup.
with my family for my family's mother's day celebration.
its was fun la..but..all we actually did was eat..ALOT
so on the way back..my cousin and i got bored..
so we took alot of photos..=.=..
of ourselves...
so..im spamming this play with photos...soon..XD

2009-05-09T22:20:00.002+08:00

today was fun!!!^-^
ok..actually..the afternoon part was fun...
morning was...
plain boring
hahax..XD
then afternoon,kenneth ask me go study at nebo...
then then i went nebo lorx..
his friend was there..then the three of us..erm''study''
a drink fell then kenneth's stuffies got all sticky and smelling of rose..XD
[free perfume' =X]
then he bought tickets for a nc-16 show..
MY FIRST NC-16 SHOW IN THE CINEMAS!
its called 'the horsemen'
only after i got in did i realise that it was a thriller...o.o..
i dont even dare watch this kinda shows in cinemas..>.<
too scary...
then...1st time watch..very damn scared lorx..
but i didnt tell those two..later they all laugh at me..DX
so i just sat there...and said nothing.=X
then got damn cold..so i kapo jacket from kenneth..
then he also cold..then we had to share one jacket.
i should have brought mine...=.=...
the movie wasnt bad..was was scary.
in a way..it was gruesome..>.<
argh....people was hooked up all through the show..someone even dug out his own heart..0.0...
then then i cried at one really touching part..[sry,overly emotional neko here.]
then kenneth laugh..
he said this
'movie is nice but the ending sux.but at least get to see her cry'
what the...you are evil you know?!!
kenneth is a evil chiobu![hahax..chiobu..=X]
[i hope he reads this.]
then thats it lor..after the movie..we went lan play an hour..
THEY play an hour..i watch for an hour..XD
then i went home.
nice day~

2009-05-09T13:27:00.002+08:00

haiz..yesterday.so sian..
eng paper...
i shocked myself by writing 800++ words..=.=...
wonder how the teacher would read it...=X
i have messy handwriting.
after that..teckhui say walk home with me then i walk lor..
then..he pangsei me...=.=
make me walk home myself..somemore i got tuition....
walao.....
then i go tution....halfway got people come and fix the tv on the wall....
after tution when to meet nelson to play[?]
then we go arcade...
then lan..i go lan..saw ah how...so long sia...never see him..
then i saw kenneth,teckhui[yet again] and his sis and friends.
after going lan..i went back arcade play jubeat....
i finally can play advance songs...though only till lvl 8/9 max..lvl 10 still fail....
stupid Ds...T.T
let me pass!!!
the highest i got for a level 10 song is like 60k+?
and i dont understand how much i need to pass..=.=..
damn...if its like 70k+ i would scream...
i seriously love sig sig...XD
and kimono..=X
i passed kimono though....XD
enough about jubeat..x.x....
oh..then i go play NX Pump It Up...
another game i love...cos i can lose calories.=X
then saw kenneth at arcade ..wait for him play nx then we all
[nelson,kenneth and me.]
went back to lan..o.0....
then i spent the whole time there...doing nothing..=.=...
i reach home like...12am?
wth...seriously hate my life right now...
screwed up...

2009-05-07T17:06:00.002+08:00

EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
EMO
i feel like crying.
i feel like slashing my hands...
i want to feel pain..
to compensate the pain in me.
then i want to die.

2009-05-07T16:54:00.003+08:00

I'm Pissed.

my tians...
you think you are so good isit??
walao...i didnt know such bitches exists...
you actually made me use this word on you guys..=.=...
well ..technically you are girls...
but you dont act like normal girls.
you all act like BITCHES.
are you guys like freaking jealous or something?
do you HAVE to make it so obvious you are talking about me?
i actually dont care if you are.
but the way you all act is so like a bitch
please la....if you hate it so much,why talk about it?
if you hate someone,you ignore that person right?
which idoit would keep talking about the person he/she hates and keep getting themselves angry?
my tians!you all are just plain retards.
i cannot belive i used the bitch word on you.
up till now i only use it on one person..=.=
walao...you all are just plain morons

2009-05-07T16:50:00.003+08:00

yeahs..finally can use the comp le..XD
yesterday i went to orchard to do my hair....then me and rhyn went bishan to get his itouch..
and meet kenneth to study chem...XD
[the itouch can jiggle....the jiggly jiggly thingy is fun...=D]
then i went home and tried turning on my comp and found out that my internet was down..=.=...
i was so pissed!!
i wanted to post up a pic of rhyn..XD
and here it is..

doesnt he look _______[i dont wana say it..XP
but this was how he looked when he got his new itouch..XD
lalalas~~~
yesterday was fun..XP

2009-05-05T21:57:00.002+08:00

i feel damn lost.....o.o...
i wonder what i should do now.
im sitting in my chair in front of the comp.
thinking about my life.
and of course,how screwed up it is.
and how much more shit i can add inside.
why is there so much screwed up shit in my life?
i dont understand how i can screw up my life so badly.
i screwed my studies.
i screwed my social life.
and most of all.
i screwed up my relationship.
i dont know what the hell i am to do now.
argh.this sux.
how i wish i could stay in that month of dec 2008.
that was like the best time of my life so far.
i know last time,i would say meeting my ex was the best time i had.
but i know it wasnt.
because of alot of things that goes on.
and now,of course,i would say meeting you now would be the best time of my life yet again.
you may not belive me,but i think up till now,it is.
at least,up till dec 2008.
that was like the sweetest moments of life for me so far.
you cared about me,we talked alot,and i do meant alot.
so much that i use up 500 over messages in 3 days..
we chat on the phone every night as well.
you would come all the way to meet me.
i know it was a very long trip over to my place.
and i know my parents did give you some trouble.
but that month was one of the nicest time i had.
if i could say this,its was like living in a fantasy land...with a small evil witch and wizard there.
i think,i use to be really really bad.
before i met you,i think,i was really really bad.
i would think of things my ex would have done.
like flirt around.
i thought it was normal thing to do.
that was of course before my friends told me it wasnt.
i do feel guilty when i think about it.
its like,no,i should just say im sorry to you.
i dont have words to describe what i feel when i think about this.
guilt? of course but there is something else.i dont know what.
after that one month,maybe you were sick and tired of me.
but i was still stuck in that world of mine,
so i didnt think much and just continued to talk to you as if we were still in that one month of fantasy.
im sorry i didnt realise that you didnt want me around anymore.
then,i met someone else.
you should know who.
who was alot like you.
but after a while,i realise he isnt.
im sorry for making the mistake of thinking that you two are the same.
because you are you.
and he is he.
i thought i would fall for him because i had missed you so much.
its like,i looked at him like a replacement because you werent there.
but after time spent,i realise that it isnt the case.
i still like you more then ever.
you are you.
you have no substitutes.
and i know you read my blog.
and because of that few times,i actually hurt you.
i guess.
i got pissed off,because i really really missed you.
but i didnt get to see you.
so i thought you didnt want me anymore.which may be the case.
and i didnt have the courage to talk to you anymore.
and i think,when you found out by yourself.
it must have somehow been bad.
so i really really have to tell you another big sorry.
sorry for not having the courage to talk to you.
sorry for hurting you.
im not sure if you still want me now,
but since you allowed me to,
ill do my best.
although the way you told me was a little painful to hear,
it had sounded like you didnt care.
but i will still do my best.
because i still think you are the sweetest,mature,cool and not to mention alot more,guy i have ever had the good fortune to know.
i dont regret knowing you at all.
i will do my best.
i hope you would be happy.

2009-05-04T21:29:00.003+08:00

This is awkward.
i really dont know what to help us.
but i dont care.
ill do my best.
im not sure if you still like me or want me.
but since you allow me to have feeling for you.
ill take it as a yes.
if you allow this.
ill do my best.
i promise you.
ill do my very best.
i feel sad.
but ill still do my best.
i want to do my best.
cross my heart and hope to die.
i promise ill do my best

2009-05-04T20:18:00.002+08:00

i spent a good two hours in the arcade alone sia..=.=
just because rhyn doesnt want me to go along to play with him...argh..
i had my revenge..at least ....
in that two hours....
got people ask me for num..got people i know but i dont wish to know..
got school mates..and most of all..got alot of loneliness..T.T
in that 2 hours..i was thinking about me and someone else..
then after that two hours with all the stupidity..especially they guys who ask for my number..they are freaking retards....
i realise i still love him alot....
and i really dont want to let go of this.
i really love him.
im not sure if this emo time of mine hurt him.
but i need to apologise to him.
because i didnt trust him.
etc. etc.
shall not say too much....
i still want him more then ever.

2009-05-02T21:13:00.002+08:00

I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE!
seriously..its has been always a month before i get to see you.
my gawd! what the hell are you trying to do?!
i seriously dont get it!!
i want to meet you.
we use to promise to meet every weekend!
but now?
we meet once a month!
what the hell?!
i cant take this anymore!
i sms you,you dont reply!
i ask you out,and either you dont want to go
or you have something on!
even though i ask days before!
what the hell is this?!
i cant take this anymore!
how i wish i could scream and shout at you!
but i cant do it!!!
why must you do this?!
i really really cant take it!!!!
ahhhhh!!!
why the hell must it be like this?!
ahhhhh!!!!!!!
DAMN THIS!

2009-05-02T16:07:00.001+08:00

i just got a new hair cut..its like so weird..o.o
and i extended my sides...
and spiked the top..o.o...
its so weird right now..o.o

2009-05-01T10:33:00.002+08:00

today is the day.
maybe ill end it or start it.
or let it continue as it is.
how i wish i could start it
this relationship right now sucks.
its a completely cold one.
we meet like what?
once a month?
i asked him out today.
maybe he will meet me or not.
if he doesnt,ill talk to him online then.
if i do meet him
well,i dont know how i will react to seeing him
after such a long break.
the last time i saw him in person was a month ago.
i wonder how it will feel for me.
no,i wonder how it would feel for him.
i think,
if it ends badly,
i wont hurt as bad.
i think im prepared for what might come out of this.
hopefully,i wont stop being prepared when i do get to see him.
wait,why am i hoping to see him?
i know he wont turn up.
he always doesnt.
i just dont get it.
why do i always keep hoping?
i cant do this.
the hope will get shattered.
i must not hope.
i need to be prepared for the worst.
because if i dont,
ill hurt him.
if i were to break down,
i wont be the only one hurting.
ill hurt him too.
so i have to stop hoping.
and just prepare for the worst.

2009-04-30T22:51:00.002+08:00

Im gonna find a day
and crossdress.
and go out.
and be a guy for one day.
i wonder how it would feel like.
i shall....
do it one day.
once i get my hair cut.
and dyed.
and all the weird thingys.

2009-04-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

i seriously hope you are happy.
its like you starve me,then leaves food hanging right out of my reach.
you.are.torturing.me.
you are starving me.
you are making me hungry.
dont ask me why the hell i want your blood.
i.dont.know.
shit.
i seriously dont know why it has to be you.
my throat doesnt burn when i smell blood like some crap in fiction books.
neither do i explode in the sun or melt or whatnots.
I.AM.NORMAL.LIKE.A.HUMAN
its just that i dont really like the sun.
but im ok with it.
i get hungry when i smell blood.or even think about it.
when i take my own blood,if its too little and i tasted my blood.
i do get a dry feeling in my throat.
crap.this sux.
oh btws,whoever is reading this.
fuck off if you think im crapping.
im just damn pissed over someone for telling me stuffs like this.
if you dont belive its not my prob.
just shut up and leave.
you belive what you want to and i belive what i want to.
simple.
argh.i am disgusted with myself..=.=....
and im pissed because of you damn it.
fuck.

2009-04-30T16:28:00.002+08:00

i am sooooo pissed,confused,scared and sad.
man,how much emotion can i hold at one time?
shit this.
i seriously want to see him tomorrow.
but its like,i seem to know there is a 98% chance he wont turn up.
so of course im pissed.
hey,didnt we promise each other time together every week?
its like we are now meeting once a month.
fuck this.
im seriously confused over what you think.
we arent technically together.but we are going out.
then now,its like you treat me nothing more then a friend.
but you still get jealous at times.
i feel like you dont want me anymore but you are unwilling to let me go.
i seriously am confused.
do you still like me?
im scared of the answer.
no matter how brave a face i may put on for my friends and you.
i am really scared.
i wish to talk to you.over everything.
so its like..judgement day for me.
if you still want me,fine.
if you dont, we go our seperate ways.
but im really scared to lose you still.
i may not show it.
but i still have alot of feelings for you.
im just damn shy to tell you.
i wondered if we will go our own way,
if we do,
it will feel like another part of me got ripped out.
i know it will heal.
but now,it hurts even to think this way.
it will hurt even more when it really does happen.

i seriously dont know what to do.
damn,i still need you.
but you dont seem to need me anymore.
damn it.
im the only one then?

2009-04-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

seriously...what should i do??
ask you out and talk?
maybe if we seriously talk,maybe, we can either go on on our own or carry on together.
should i do that?
im really getting confused.
i dont know what to do anymore.
im lost.
i dont know who is who anymore.

2009-04-29T21:25:00.002+08:00

haiz..today got health check up at school...but then..half way through...the nurse asked me if i BROKE MY VOICE...
what the hell...=.=..
when did i ever break my voice..
actually got la..once..>.<
damn stupid..got fever...that day after lion went home from my place..then i got fever=.=..
then i went to school with a voice that was so freaking low....
sooooo damn low.....i dont know who to compare it to..x.x...
can ask rhyn..aka gin....aka chicken little...XD
lols..then just now after my nice afternoon nap..i went to arcade with rhyn and akira...
hahax..then saw someone i dont want to see.lalalas~~XD
then then the three of us went to eat mac...
we were talking about alot of stupid things...and taking pics of akira to compare with lion..XP
its like...twins..XD
then i stepped...on a ....roach....DX...
then then...we went home..rhyn pei me home liao..then then like that lor...x.x

2009-04-28T22:50:00.002+08:00

how i wish,
to tell you this.
'my dearest,could i be selfish just this once,
and ask you to be mine and only mine for once.
just once.'
how i wish,i could be selfish.
right now,i cant.not over you.
i always give in.i cant hold my own.
whenever i want to meet you.you wont come to find me.
but i told myself you are just busy.
its not that you dont want to see me.
but you dont know how much i wish i could grab hold of you.
and not let you go.
i want to have you all to myself.
even if it is just for a day.
i want to be myself in front of you.
i want you to tell me about yourself too
cant i be selfish for this once,and have you to myself for a day?
its been so long since i last saw you.
i hate the distance.
how i wish i can be selfish over you.
i want you to myself.

2009-04-28T21:55:00.002+08:00

i seriously dont know anymore...
i dont get what you want anymore too.
do you still want me?
or are you sick of me already?
i dont understand you...
could you please tell me everything.
i want to know.
it is seriously very scary to walk with you this way.
without knowing anything at all.
its like walking in a place filled with bombs and not knowing when you will get killed by it.
i really cant take it.
but just like that path i'm walking,i cant find the courage to turn around
or choose another path.
i want to walk the path that you are on.
but it is scary and hurts alot to walk it.
i really really want to be the one who talks to you.
but i cant find the courage to.
i cant find the courage to tell you what im thinking.
because i dont want you to get hurt or what by my words.
so i kept to myself.
and instead,its hurting even more.
shit.
i am really lost.

2009-04-27T22:30:00.001+08:00

oh my....i found someone..oh my....XD
who is like twin of lion..>.<..
they are alike till its scary..>.<
they talk alike..tone,words,phrase..all same de...
dress causal also alike...>.<
walk same...personality same...character also a little same...
actions also same..alot...
its scary la...DX.......
but hey..XD its super cool..XD
having a twin is nice..XD

2009-04-26T19:31:00.003+08:00

Fuck it.
just because i came home late...
my dad HAD to fight with the whole damn family.
he HAD to blame my mum.
HAD to quarrel with the whole family.
had to make everyone so damn pissed at each other.
hey,what the fuck?
arent you supposed to be the one who holds up the family when its on the verge of breaking?
dont give the excuse that its all because of me and mum that you cant quit smoking.
its because of YOURSELF
you get all fucking pissed off at nothing because you cant quit smoking.but why the fuck must you take it out on the family???
and i come home late every once in a while and you dont say anything at all.
why must you say something now??
you know why??
because you are fucking drunk.
it [isses me off to see you drinking.
you say you are pissed at mm for coming home late.at me as well.
but what about you?
you go drinking,go pub go singing with girls from the pub.
you come home in the most unearthly hour and you start fighting with all of us.
you start blaming us.but have you thought about yourself?
you can come home so late but i cant? mum cant??!
what kinda fucking reasoning is that?
hey,stop blaming others.
blame yourself,dad.
i dont even like my own family.
you dont even know how much i hate you all.
i tolerate all this because i know i cant live outside on my own.
if i can,i would have left a long time ago.
i dont want to put up with all this shit.
damn,you dont know how much i want to say FUCK OFF.

2009-04-25T10:03:00.002+08:00

Im seriously having doubts...about you.
I dont know if you still care about me.
I wish to ask you, But i cant find the courage to.
I want to be demanding, selfish even.
Because i want you to myself and no one else.
How i wish to tell you not to talk to others,only talk to me.
Only show attention to me and no one else...
But i stopped myself from saying all this,
Because i know you wont like it.
I bet you dont know how jealous i get when you talk to other girls.
I get so jealous that i cant take it anymore,i feel like screaming at everyone.
Telling them to stop talking to you,to stop hogging all your attention.
Because i cant take it,i want your attention.
I want your love.
But i cant get it.
Do you still care about me?
Are you sick of me?
Do you still want me around?
Do you still love me?

2009-04-24T13:31:00.002+08:00

Happy Happy....:D
someone special asked me to cheer upp^-^
lalalas~
Happy Happy~
i have people who care.^-^
Happy~~

2009-04-23T22:00:00.004+08:00

weee~~today.....~~~
Sucks
lessons were all jumbled up because tomorrow is speech day and the lesson we had today was like a mix of today and tomorrow's timetable. i got detention lehs..damn it..=.=...
Fuck la....

anyways..i went home..and fiona came over my house and we made pudding

nice right??!XD

you want eat??! =X

hahax.then while we were making..we erm..accidentally conjured up some..snot..and snot slugs..

disgusting right???
can you belive this is pudding before it goes in a cup??0.0....!!

the stupid pudding thingy froze on my finger..>.<

hahax...but the pudding turned out to be damn nice..=X

anyways..im pissed because of the damn detension...
fuck la...=.=

2009-04-22T21:50:00.003+08:00

i seriously..dont feel like writing anymore.
i cant take it.
stupid dumb world.
stupid idiotic me.
why me...
i seriously should just kill myself.
fuck this damn world.

I welcome Death.

2009-04-21T16:37:00.000+08:00

now i got another dog...
it went into my school..and into my friend's class..and bit someone who happen to step on her tail..
now...she is taken away by spca..no choice..either i go get her tomorrow..or unlucky.i too late and she dies.

2009-04-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

Dad just spent 2k...on a 42inch tv...
and he is considering getting me guitar hero world tour...with the console and all.
i am in shock right now.o.o...
but damn i still feel emo..=.=

2009-04-19T18:16:00.000+08:00

i am pissed off
Shut up.
scram.
go away.
seriously...
i am pissed off.

2009-04-19T17:19:00.000+08:00

i seriously don't trust you any more...

2009-04-18T09:57:00.003+08:00

cant you all see?
cant you all see that im in pain?
why must you all continue to hurt me?
can you all just let me be?
i thought that i had found friends.
but in the end,
its still the same...
im still being used.
i had once thought to myself,
even if i am being used,its better then being ignored and treated like i didnt exist.
but i was wrong.
i use to hate being ignored.
hated being a shadow.
i wanted to be who i really am.
i wanted to stop putting up an act.
i want people to accept me for who i really was.
and not who i was acting.
but,it seems being a shadow ,
was alot easier and less painful.
i regret trying to be myself around you all.
i regret letting go of my act.
i regret opening up myself to everyone.
i should have pulled the curtains closed.
should not have let any light come in.
now,the light come in thought the open window
and everything is no longer hidden in darkness.
it hurts so much.
i want to give up.

2009-04-18T09:54:00.002+08:00

i really ...really want to give up.
i cant take it anymore.
cant you all just let me give up?
stop trying to care.
let me be.
i think i'll feel better then i am right now.
it hurts too much.
just let me give up.
i cant take it anymore.

2009-04-17T22:16:00.003+08:00

argh....i feel so damn left out..all the time..
argh..just one tiny comment and i feel damn hurt.
seriously damn hurt.
i dont get it..
its like i cant live without them.
argh..i dont want to rely on people to be happy.
but i cant seem to be able to let go.
i seriously dont get it.
i thought i had formed my resolve to not let anyone hurt me anymore.
i think i was wrong.
just one tiny comment and i cant take it anymore.
i really dont get it.
i dont want any friends.
although they say they are my friends,close,best,sis,bros.
they do no shit for me.
all they do is say.
words are words.not actions.
even when you say you all care about me,those are just words.
plain words.
but this plain words gave me hope,layer upon layer of hope.
then with just one small comment and ignorance and all this is shattered.
i dont even have time to understand what had happen,
and the hurt comes even before i understood.
if it had been me before,it would only have stung.
but after all this people gave me hope,the hurt doesnt just sting,
it leaves me breathless and bleeding.
crying and angry.
i had belive all your words.
i thought my life had taken a turn,
i forgo all my promises to myself.
if only i hadnt,it would have saved me all this pain and hurt.
if only i had been left alone.
now,its over and the hurt is done.
and everyone leaves me there to bleed.
so you guys gave me hope just to see it getting shattered?
just so you can see me getting all hurt and laugh at it?
it may mean nothing to you,but to me,it meant alot.
stop trying to seem like a friend.
if you all seriously want to be my friend.please.
stop trying to act like you guys care.
if you all really care,then so be it.
dont act.i dropped my act a while ago.
actually hoping,hoping for a new life.
i stopped pretending,
thinking that the real me would stop me from feeling the sting.
but in the end,being myself,just brought me more hurt.
its doesnt sting,it bleeds.
please,i beg you,cant you all stop trying to act all caring?
if you dont care,please just stop.
i know i dont belong anywhere with you all,stop trying to act like i do.
take it as you are helping me.
you are helping me,by hurting me less.
just stop.
i dont want to hurt you all,but i cant take it anymore.
please,i dont want to cry or bleed anymore then i am now.
it hurts too much.i cant take it anymore.please.

2009-04-13T18:26:00.001+08:00

damn..damn my wishful thinking...
it will never happen...
never...i was never favoured by anyone...
and i never will be noticed...
wishful thinking...
my own wishful thinking.

2009-04-13T18:16:00.002+08:00

i want to be a vampire!
why cant i be one!
why must i stay as a dumb useless human?
why??!!!
i seriously dont want to be a human!
i think its just plain stupid!
i really dont want to!
why cant i just get over it!
why can i just be a vampire!
it will solve all my damn problems once and for all!
why?!
why leave me in between?!
why trap me in the middle?!
argh!!its worst then being on either side!
being right in the middle!argh!!!!!!!
why?!
damn this world.=.=...
it is so freaking hard..to live....
i dont want to be who i am right now!

2009-04-06T19:11:00.002+08:00

wahaha..shugo chara..is funny..cute..and...still weird for me..o.0..
but i like the romance parts..XD
i support ikuto and amu!!!!
XD
the king..saysay so many many nice thingys...make amu all blush..then suddenly say likes her other self..in short NOT her but her alter personality..=.=
what the.....seriously..argh..ikuto is so much better..>.<
i cosplay shugo chara next year as well..T.T
i feel like my wallet is burning a GIGANTIC hole...T.T
Agito costume pay liao havent come..Wig paid $20..but it got delayed..=.=
so i have no freaking idea how much to save for it..maybe 50bucks?
so now minus my 50..im left with NONE.
i need buy my ciel phantomhive costume.which is another 200...
then shugo chara costume..ANOTHER 138+70=208...=.=...
why must she hold such a complicated pouch?!
argh..i think i spend thousands of dollars on cosplay liao la...expecially on the scythe..argh..
MONEY FLY FLY~

2009-04-03T17:51:00.002+08:00

i just started watching shugo chara today..
hmmx...right now im waiting for episode 3 to load..DX
haiz..it..erm....reminds me of pretty cure...i think...it erm..
is very...cute.>.<
its like the first anime i watch..unless you count pretty cure.o.0..does one episode of it count as watching?
its about guardian charas.and this girl amu who hides her real personality.
sort of remind me of myself...hmmx..o.o...
then the eggs cracks and there are the guardians and they sort of help amu be who she really is.
is quite cool la..but..its like..so weird..im used to watching emo romance etc. anime le..
like kuroshitsuji junjou romantica blood + and etc.
so yea..is weird to watch something so cute....o.0..?
but is nice..shall continue watching...
but there are..70 or 80 over episodes..DX

2009-04-02T21:17:00.000+08:00

watch this NOW....!XD
spend 5 min watching this..! its worth it!XD

2009-04-01T23:24:00.002+08:00

yeahs~~ i found another two more of my photos..!XD
bwahahaha...XD
toady went arcade..play..
okok la..
but the best thing is i met yanwei today!XD
oh my gawd! thats was so unexpected!
i do love him so!XP
although he got all emo and i dont know why...
my friend[not gonna say who] told me a piece of her mind.
and i totally spilled the beans to yanwei.i told him everything..DX
oh gawd...i seriously babble all!
he seemed happier a little?
a tiny tiny bit..XD

2009-03-30T21:27:00.002+08:00

oh my tians!!!
kuroshitsuji is so damn freaking nice!
the last episode i cried..DX
i am such an overly emotional neko...
but its so tuoching!T^T

http://sgcafe.com/showthread.php?p=5327631#post5327631

join my kuroshitsuji team....

oh my tians..i love that anime..
i want yaoi photoshoot..
i want cosplay ritsuka...loveless...

im still crying...T^T

lion never sms me today...his syf...just finish today..i want to know..sobbies

2009-03-29T22:39:00.001+08:00

yeahs!!~~
i finally found my photo!
thankz to the photographer!
^-^
im getting bored of cosplaying yuuki kuran.DX
never mind..im getting my Agito/Akito costume soon..XD